one of the most emotionally draining days i have ever had, was a few days ago. i had been so depressed over school. i knew that when i got off work that i would have to stay up till 4 the next morning working on a project due that day...for a class i will probably fail...but i did the project anyways. so i was a bit bummed, plus i forgot my phone at work and my food card as well so i was hungry. when i got to work, bob my boss called me into the office. *dread seeped down my spine* recap on the night before.

...inez the other PIC who was going to close the store with me, was really sick so she said she really needed to go home. and she really did. she looked like a zombie. so she left, i was by myself. alone. unexperienced. and lo-and-behold...HELL breaks loose about an hour after inez leaves. the store got slammed with customers. a checker never showed up and so i only had like 4 checkers. in the midts of being slammed or...in customer terms...'every checkstand was full and the lines were backing up into the aisles..." DAVID! decides to get his FREAKING TILL JAMMED!!! what caused his till to jam? a bottle cap that he "absentmindedly" shoved under his till because he didn't know where else to put it. so, i am helping customers...trying to get people out as quickly as i can and get the store under control and David is FREAKING out! literally, i though he was going to have a melt down. so...by the grace of God...one of the most annoying customers ever comes through my line. this old man is notorious for taking like 20 minutes to write a check...and this bought me enough time to run up to the office, grab a screwdriver and run back down (he was still writing the check oblivious that i had even left...) i then spent about five minutes trying to pry the till open, david freaking out behind me, jake leaving his lunch to come down and check even though i didn't ask him to, and customers getting mad that david wasn't checking in his jammed till. GOSH! so i made david check in my till why i tried to figure out what i should do...then jake came up. my hero! and after another 5 minutes popped the till open. and david could go back to his till...and by then...it slowed down considerably. on top of that...jake got his 400$ phone stolen, and he was blaming it on david...and he was in a "pity me...i hate my life" mood and he didn't want to work. so when he went back to lunch he took and extra 15 minutes...and James...another checker, told me that jake was late in getting off of his lunch and when james went on his lunch he took and extra 10 minutes...just to be "spiteful". and i really had no idea what to say to either of them. so i just let it slip. nothing got done that night. i did one little thing. when it came time to close i couldn't balance the safe, so i called inez...and she came down to the store, half dead...and balanced the safe for me. ooooo...it was such a horrible night.

sooo. all that said, bob called me into his office the next day, and i knew he wanted to talk to me about that night. i had already been on the verge of tears all day so as i slowly climbed the stairs, i could feel them welling up in my eyes and i knew...there was no way i was going to be able to hold them back.

i stepped into the office, bob said have a seat, so i sat, and he grabbed some papers started sorting them and said "so, tell me about last night." he didn't look at me. i just kindof said..."uuuuuuu....." and then he said lets go into the inner office so we don't get interrupted..." so i walked into the office...tears already pouring down. bob didn't see till he came in behind me, closed the door and turned to face me. he seemed a little shocked and he said "WHAT'S WRONG!!!!" and alls i could say was "sorry i'm crying..." hahaha...wow. i am lame. so for litteraly over an hour we sat in the office...and i cried the whole time. starting from the beginning of the day i told him everything that happened. my eyes were burning. i would control myself for a little bit..then bob would say something that would trigger more crying, like "your doing a great job really!" or "how did you handle jake and james?" ugh! after that dreadful meeting i ran to the bathroom. made my face look somewhat decent and i told myself i'd tell people i was getting sick if they asked about my eyes. then i ran around and tried to work hard. i went into the backroom and inez was there. she took one look at me and she said "you've been crying. what's wrong?" well...good job carina for making yourself look like you were ok! alot of good that did!!!! aaaah! so of course what do i do? i start crying again hahaha! and inez gave me a nice pep talk and told me not to let people walk all over me. gosh. i was so drained after that. i'm glad inez was there that day, and that she stayed!

and then...i went to school and stayed up till 4:30 am painting then i had to get up three hours later for class...and then after class...i took a 2 hour nap and then went back to work. oh boy! i was so exhausted. i just wanted to DIE!

so i sortof hate being a PIC. i don't have what it takes to be a manager. everyone tells me "yeah! it's a good opportunity, take it!" or "your doing great as a manager!" but i know i'm not. there are a few employees that i just can't stand bossing around, because i've gotten so close to them, even though they are so lazy and they don't work hard. then there are a few employees who really intimidate me, especially when they get an attitude. and yeah, i pretty much am the most pathetic PIC ever. i'm contemplating giving up the position so i will be less stressed. i hate it when i'm stressed out. i snap at people i don't mean to. and i get annoyed really easily.

anyways, onto school. i beleive i might just barely pass english, i am probably going to fail Pentateuch, and spiritual life i will probably pass, and World Christianity i will, God-willing, pass.

*sigh* i cannot wait for school to be over!

so here is a paper i wrote after listening to a lecture by Domoni Pothin. i liked what i wrote and decided to share with you...

The World Around

When Domoni was beginning her talk on prayer, I knew it was going to be eye opening. Especially after she made everyone who was chewing gum, to spit it out. Whoever would have been distracted by someone sitting next to them, to move. And whoever had a drink by them, to move it away. I thought it was so cool how she made us stand when she prayed, it made me feel like I was having a deeper respect for God.
She made me think about why I pray by asking a question.“Why do we pray? To feel good? To control God?” and that is so true. So many of us pray out of pure selfishness for our own desires. We think God will obey our every request and when He doesn't we get angry and then begin questioning whether or not He cares. But God is not a being that we can control. I realized how much bigger He is, just by contemplating my habitual “Give me, Give me!” attitude. God gives us so much, in such small, unseen ways, it would probably boggle our minds to understand the vastness of His generosity. Every breath I take, every hug I get from someone I love, even every tantalizing smell I enjoy is really from God. So if I spent more time glorifying and thanking my Father for all the amazing gifts He's given me, how much more fulfilling would my life feel? I wouldn't be spending all my time shaking my fist at God for all the pointless things I've asked for. Instead I could look at what He already has given me in pure enjoyment and have that joy flood my life.
How many times have I prayed a “thankful” prayer that really were just words in my mind and nothing else? How many times have I shaken my fists at God in despair, because He wouldn't grant me my selfish wants and “needs”? I pray, quite literally, that He would allow me to be more thankful in a deeper sense. To look at the world around me and see each beautiful thing as an answer to prayer. God is so amazing and I can learn so much about Him through those blessed moments.

i almost failed this class because i forgot the paper had to be turned in the day i decided to catch up on sleep and skip class. i was so stupid.

so yesterday was my first OFFICIAL day of being a PIC. it was quite exciting. i got to close the store up, not by myself, but with Cindy (who is pretty much Co-Owner...) she was just doing random stuff, and i hardly saw her. i hadn't even started working and she came up to me and said "Carina, there are some things you need to address to one of the Checkers. he can't have pop in the checkstand, he needs to take his earing out and he doesn't have a nametag!" well, my stomache pretty much dropped. i knew i wouldn't be able to go up to this guy...who used to be "equal" to me, and now boss him around. and i had no idea what to say, so i ran up to the manager Bon and told him what cindy had told me. he was really nice and said "lets both go up to the office and we'll both talk to him." so we did, and bob did all of the talking, i just kind of sat there looking retarded. oh well. you can only learn by experience. after that it was all really easy. i got the nerve up later that night, to ask the courtesy to mop up this gross collection of dirt that had been at the end of aisle 8 for quite a while. and i couldn't figure out how to balance the safe so Cindy did that while i counted out the lottery and my till. it was all quite exciting. and when it came time for me to put my code to lock the store up, the code that bob gave me didn't work, and cindy didn't have one, and bob didn't answer his phone...so we just left it unlocked. this doesn't mean you can go and break into thriftway. that problem has been fixed lol :)

so anyways. last night some girl, who i still have yet to meet, slept in our room. she was here to see the school and stay on campus. and by the time i got off of work, she was asleep. and she left before i got up. sortof like what Me and Hannah do hahaha. last night i set my alarm to get up at 7ish, so i could make it to my dreded English Comp class, and i forgot to make it 7am! so...i woke up at 7:59 and my class was at 8...so i laid there for a few minutes dazed and wondering what i should do and i just fell back to sleep. hannah woke me up half an hour later and said "hey, you have class in half an hour..." and i mumbled..."i had class half an hour ago...." thus began my day today. i'm sortof glad i missed that class. i wasn't prepared. and none of my classmates in that class asked me where i was in my pentateuch class. it must not have been to tramatic not having me there...

well, my day will consist of a little homwork, and then i will go see alissa and get some laundry done at home. man, i love the weekends.

Hurray! i officially became a PIC (Person In Charge) today. that means i'm the boss of quite a few people. and i'm a tad bit nervous. i hope i can become a good leader, and hopefully this will help me grow...in as many ways as God will allow. this also means i'll be getting a nice raise, and more responsibility.

anyways, i'm again procrastinating and i am not studying for that Pentateuch quiz i have tomorrow. drats! :) i best be off. peace!

ok. it's time to talk about my room mate. her name is Hannah Mihalsky. she just turned 25 and i sadly had to miss her birthday party, due to work. the first night i met her, i creeped her out. she made a comment to crystal, my little sis, that if i fell off of my top bunk that they would have to pick up my pieces. i of course, imagined all my bloody body parts strewn all over the floor. i mean, come on, wouldn't you think that? well, i said "OH that's gross..." and she gave me this look like "your so morbid, how could you let yourself think like that?" hahahha, it was pretty funny. it was then in that moment that i knew me and hannah would have an interesting relationship. later that night, i was on my top bunk, swinging my legs over the side, to get off, and there is this ceiling fan, pretty much eye level with me. and i randomly mumbled, mainly to myself, "wow, that would hurt if that sliced into my face!" again, hannah just looked at me with a horrified expression. ther have been several similar moments, many i can't think of, where i would say things, that to me, are a normal way of thinking. she's just "sheltered" in a different way than me. oh well,. she's cool.

well. i ended up staying up till three the other day at school. i was supposed to read about 60 chapters in the book of Genesis for two pentateuch quizes the next day (becasue i skipped the quiz the week before i had to do two quizes...) and i got about half way through the second quizes reading when i decided to take a twenty minute nap. and hannah, my roommate who also was going to stay up all night, decided to grab my camera and take pictures of me whilst i was asleep with my Bible in my lap. well, after i woke up i could barely keep my eyes open, so i just went to bed and lived by faith the next day. i hope i did good on those quizes :)

mid semester break has been so refeshing. even though i've had to work half the time. the first day that i had off, i didn't have to work. and i just did nothing. it felt kindof good, to just sit around and watch tv and play video games ;) , but after a few hours i was getting ancy and i wanted to do something constructive, which i didn't.

...

well, i've been distracted by tv once again. see ya

So, last night, i went back and read a ton of my original blogs. (sadly, i had erased my very firts blog. that would have been awesome to read...) but i was reading my old posts, and wow, i wrote really funny. it annoys me, reading how i wrote. i wonder if i still write like that. i hope not. i was surprised that people actually read my blog back then. oh well. anyways, i have to read a short story by Jorge Borges. he writes such weird, intense short stories. and i have no idea how to understand them. we have to discuss the stories in class, and i never have anything constructive to say. i will probably fail the class because of that. anyways. work was good today. it was one of those days where i got alot done, but i didn't get alot done. have you ever had a day like that? where you feel so accomlished but in that very moment you could have done so much more.

so there is this new kid in the store, His name is David, and he is already annoying me. there is also this other new deli guy and he is already annying me. man, i have changed so much since working at Tway. things used to never bother me. i could see people for the beautiful person that they are, how God created them, and how He loves them. but now, i can see through that and nit-pick at all of their faults. i grasp on to there quirky annoyingness and leave out there "goodness" if you can say that. i need to work on my additude. well, i muct go do work. i'm gonna try to stay up really late. wish me luck. :)

Last night was a night of procrastination. i hope the last! i have to go to work, i just realized, so this post will be short and sweet. see you later!

So here is my first ajor paper that i've written for college. it's a little entertaining so i figured i could get away with posting. enjoy...and i know, there are a few major mistakes. i prayed that my teacher wouldn;t notice, lol.

I'm sitting on a Boeing 747, the lights are dim, it's around midnight. All around me are people. There is the occasional cough or sneeze, and a few seats down is some little kid, screaming, because his ears couldn't adjust to the ascent. Somewhere someone would strike up a conversation with the stranger beside him, whispering would ensue, until they each ran out of small talk, then they would delve back into their small worlds of airplane boredom. Small creaks and groans from the planes exterior make it seem like it wants to tear apart. Soon the whirring of the two monstrous engines on either side of me become a throbbing background noise and my nerves get accustomed to the turbulence. The seats are dark blue, semi-cushioned. When I first sat in them, I thought “wow, this isn't so bad.” but as the hours waned by and my body craved to be stretched I was wishing that they made soft beds that I could stretch out on. Every now and then a stewardess would silently float by, observing the passengers, making sure we were all comfortable and had everything we needed. There was always the person who would lose their pillow or blanket or the mom who wanted a glass of water for her kids and a set of headphones for herself.
On the back of the seat in front of me is a screen, on which I can watch movies, or choose to listen to music. Jazz, Classical, rock or even contemporary Indian music, for I was on an AirIndia flight. There is also an option where you can see where you are on a map. The screen flashes every minute, and each time there is new information. Such as the plane's altitude, the temperature outside, the distance to the destination and from the port of origin. This would also appear in several languages, and then a map would pop up showing exactly where you were, and the countries all around. On my particular map, we were flying to Canada from New Dheli, India. And before that my friends and I had been trekking around Nepal.
A week into our trip I had gotten really sick, and as my friends were hiking up a mountain in the morning dew to see the peak of Everest, I was puking on my hotel room floor, and sweating under my covers. I remember vividly, the toilette in the bathroom next to me would sputter erratically, and people would walk by all the time, to use probably what was the only western toilette. And as they walked by my room, it would be so loud and the walls were paper thin, it would jolt me from my fitful sleep. We had been in a small village visiting some believers and enjoying the crisp air and panoramic views of the endless rolling mountains. As far as you could see, lush peaks that stood out against a brilliant blue sky. Oh how I wished that I had not been sick, so I could see the Himalayas. Unfortunately was bed ridden and the next day we were flying out to Katmandu. In the “Kat” is when my sickness progressively got worse. The upset stomach was replaced by an intense burning and swelling in my throat and by the second day I had lost my voice completely. I could hardly eat, and I grew weaker each day. Three days passed, and we finally were in the Nepali airport ready to head back to India, where we would stay the day in another hotel and then fly out late that night for America. All this to say, my sickness didn't allow me to get much sleep, and as I sat on the airplane, I was suffering from extreme fatigue, and still quite sick, with nothing to do but stare at the map in front of me. I read each bit of information with mild interest, as each screen flashed in sync, over and over again. “Time till destination...9 hours 48 minutes.” more details. “time till destination...9 hours 43 minutes”. More details “Time till destination...9 hours 42 minutes”. I stared at the screen for about twenty minutes, till my eyes felt like they would bleed, all the while people around me were either asleep or engaged in some similar bored entrapment. I then decided to see what movies were being played. I scanned the list of Bollywood movies, and classic American movies, then a new movie which had just recently come out caught my attention. “Sweeney Todd” with Johny Depp, a very morbid musical. I decided to watch it, my mind was already numb from fatigue. I slipped on the headphones and slumped in my chair as the vivid pictures engrossed my head. The first few minutes that I watched, were haunting. The main character was falsely accused of a crime, and was put in prison. His wife was then taken by the very man who falsely accused him along with their new baby. When the man gets out of prison he finds that his wife had killed herself and in revenge he opens a barber shop and slowly kills off the people who come into his shop. Only after about five minutes into the movie, I fell asleep, with the noise filtered in my mind through the headphones. I then had the most intense and eerie dream, vivid in color and fast. I heard all the words of the movie, and they played off my dream, and I remember my heart racing each moment getting faster and faster. I remember the intense confusion even while I was asleep.
When I awoke, the plane seemed void of everyone around me. My mind came to a standstill and what voices I could hear around me were incoherent. I felt my clothes sticking to my body and a cold chill made me shudder. The screen in front of me displayed the ending titles and credits to the movie and I then realized I had slept through it all. I was so disoriented and confused. I couldn't understand what had happened in the movie that gave me such an intense sensation. I sat there in a daze, my heart still racing, and it took me about five minutes to get my mind focused on the people sitting next to me. What was in that movie that made me so disoriented? Little gruesome images would flicker in my mind and make my stomach churn and it was then that I decided that a mixture of fatigue, sickness and falling asleep to a morbid movie can make a person feel disoriented and void of thought.
I then decided to ease my mind of its turmoil. I read a little of this book my friend let me borrow, but soon my eyes began to ache from my fatigue. So I decided to lounge back and listen to some soothing classical music. The hours were then filled with various other boring activities, and I nodded off a few times, until finally we were flying over Portland, Oregon. I felt my heart quicken a pace, and the excitement of landing on America soil caused me to breath heavy with anticipation. I felt the plane make a sudden drop, and my stomach twinged inside of me. Minute after minute I waited for the jolt of speed as the plane hits the runway and speeds to it's final destination. When the wheels touched ground the plane vibrated and shook and there was a loud whirring sound that I could never figure out. I was shivering with excitement and the thought of the unpleasant dream and disorientation seemed distant. The plane taxied to the entrance and stopped abruptly. I heard the common ding as the flashing seatbelt sign turned off and everyone immediately scrambled to grab their luggage. The passengers began filtering out of the cramped environment, and as I finally stepped off the plane there was an intense, refreshing rush of cold air that hit my face and cause me to shiver. The cool temperature washed away the groggy symptoms of my sickness and it invigorated me. I was uncertain of the time due to the time-zone changes, but judging by the sun just coming over the horizon, I knew it was early morning. My mind was focused on seeing my family and saying goodbye to my friends. And as we walked through PDX the memories of that movie edged back into the recesses of my mind.

so today i got to hang out with joy. it was something that i desperately needed for my mental health :) so thank you joy.

sushi was also good. i had been getting tired of the cafateria food.

so, i'm at home for the weekend, having a well needed rest from campus life. i won't feel so clostrophobic and surrounded by so many people i don't know. i was going through a bunch of old journals and art sketch books. i'm 1) amazed at how horrible of an artist i was and how i've slowly progressed throughout the years and 2) i was so on-fire for Christ when i was 18. it seems so long ago and distant. Although my understanding of God and His word have gotten stronger, i feel like i am not as close as i once was all those years ago. I had such an intense thirst to grow in my relationship with Him and now it feels stagnant. i know i want that to change, i know i want that deep feeling of "wanting to grow". i just pray that that will soon come. i need to get out of my "I'm to lazy" mind-set and focus on Christ. i had written so many long passages of the Bible in so many of my journals. i was so into the word and wanting to understand it. God rocks and i knew it then, and i know it now. so anyways. I love God and i want that intense feeling again. i don't want to lose that ZEAL.

so onto other random stuff...
i will blog about my first "date" :) (mainly because i would like to remember everything that happened, just in case i forget in the future. hahaha)
well, there is this guy at work, his name is Jake, and i like him. it was sortof a slow process. i thought he was attractive, but we never talked. then one day we had lunch at the same time and we were talking and i asked if he beleived in God (i do that randomly to alot of my c-workers...) and he said he did, and i then asked if he beleived in Jesus...because it was only through Christ that we could get to the father (it actually didn't come out like that...not so theological...) and he laughed and said "yah. i like you" (as a friend...) then we talked more. and he always wanted to hug me hahahah....and i just slowly started liking him. ANYWAYS!!!! all this to say...we ended up through quite awkward moments, saying that we liked each other, and that was that. one day i was on an aisle with Inez and Ivan, and inez said she wanted to go to wongs kings. and we all ended up deciding to go together. i really wanted to invite jake but i figured he would make up an excuse...so i told ivan to ask him. and so jake was invited. and as the day approached i realized...this might be my first date. so i got really nervouse and i didn't know how to act or what to say. well...i'll skip the boring details. me and alissa (who i invited for moral support) arrived first. then inez came and she brought her daughter and her friend (wich made the evening THAT MUCH MORE AWKWARD) then jake and ivan showed up and jake looked nice...hahaha, i only say that because he likes to make a statement i think. he's really into fashion. i really tried not to look at him to much, and as i was ordering i completely lost my appetite from me being so nervouse. so when the food came i probably took like five bites. i don't really remeber the conversation, except jake randomly looked at me and said "the condoms that you ordered for your department came and I! had to put them away...." that was really funny. and it went vulgar really fast...but i don't recall what was said. anyways. jake ended up paying for EVERYONE! i don't know if he was trying to impress me or if he was just trying to pay for just us and the waitress did everyone and he was to proud to make her change it. i don't know. but we were done eating and we all stood awkwardly in the lobby of Wongs and i still don't know why we were waiting around. but i decided to step out of my comfort zone and initiate the HUG with jake. (he usually is the one who runs up to me and hugs me...) then after that momentous hug ivan asked if me and alissa wanted to go see a movie with him jake and ivans girlfriend. i really wanted to but i left it up to alissa, and i think she could tell that i wanted to so she said yes (bless her heart! hahahaha!!!!) so we left. inez went home. and i drove alissa and jake went with ivan. well. we got to the theaters and finally got in and were sitting down. and i just remember enjoying sitting next to him. and every once in a while during the movie he'd lean over and say something to me. and i kept thinking "what would i do if he tried to hold my hand? would i let him...? probably...maybe...maybe not...!" he never tried though hahah. and jake always smells really nice (i can't beleive i just said that...but it's true) anyways it was nice. and i also enjoyed watching alissa get scared over action scenes. hahaha. well, we got out of the theater and i gave jake another hug, said goodbye, and we were off. it was a really fun night, even though i felt nautious with nervousness half the night. that is what happened. and i'm going to press the "post" button before i delete this and my memories forever!

so i am going to vent. right here, right now. i absolutely hate school, this is not where i should be. my body wasn't meant to be around so many people at one time. each day makes me feel more clostrophobic and i feel like my heart is going to be torn from my chest. Graphic i know, but there have been just so many days where i just wanted to sit down and cry. in fact, this last week i did. i had just got denied to EAT! because i had accidentaly left my id card at home, so i couldn't eat the food that i was FREAKING!!! (YES FREAKING!!!!) PAYING FOR! and as i turned away from the guy who was saying..."i'm sorry, i need your card" i just started to cry. and i hate it when people see me cry, so i ran off campus as discreetly as i could and walked to this park that was just a second away, and i sat at a bench and just cried for like 20 minutes. it wasn't that i couldn't eat. the guy was nice, somewhat, it wasn't that. it was the constant feeling of lonliness, not knowing anyone yet having so many people around me. it was the constant stress of not being able to pay for college. it was the constant...worry. the stress of 40 hours of work and almost full time college! it was just waying so heavily on me. needless to say, i felt so much better after that little crying spell. sometimes the Lord just takes us to a spot where we need to be broken, and i really had never felt that before. it makes the Love of Christ that much more beautiful and in a way more tangible. I always knew in my heart that God loves me. but after that moment, it was like i could almost really feel it. maybe a grain of heavan. who knows. but i really feel like Bible College isn't for me. I love learning about the Lord, and serving Him. but i think this isn't the place for me to fo it. i miss my friends, and my family. and i'm just so stressed out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!

ok. thanks blogger for letting me vent. your almost like a diary, except now everyone knows what i'm dealing with. Peace out all of you faithful readers of my blog.

Tomorrow i work, then the next day i start classes. I'm really excited!

well. it's been a few busy weeks, but let me just say! i love God and i'm ready to know more about Him...

i moved into my dorm this week at Multnomah!!!! i actually ran into a lady who was a huge! impact on my spiritual growth when i was a teen. Laura from TCL. it was really good to see her. she just happened to start coming here also.

so about last night. I got off work, all tired but ready. I had already packed my car full of clothes and stuff, so i just drove to the school.hen i got there everyone was already eating dessert and mingling so i felt really out of place. i didn't know where to go or who to talk to. so i just wandered around and decided to find my dorm. well, i forgot the room # and my roommates # so i just wandered around until i got the courage to ask some random girl how i was supposed to find my room is i didn't know the #. so she wandered around with me and of course there were names on all the doors, and after about 10 minutes we finally found my room! and lucky for me, i'm in a room full of seniors and we have these cool new remodeled rooms. they have this nice sitting room in the center, than two rooms branch off of it on either side. and me and my roommate Hannah have one room and this girl named Julia and ....someone else (who hasn't come yet) has the other room. so we have four total. PLUS!!! as you may have noticed, i have free WI-FI in my room and throughout the campus!!! so i'm really excited about that. anyways. when i ended up in my room and i met the two girls it all sort of hit me that this was where i would be living for a long time. i was never really scared. it just got really exciting, and a bit awkward because i've never really shared a room with a girl about the same age as me. so hopefully the Lord will try me in new and different ways. Hannah is really nice. we have similarity's and differences. i'm excited to get to know a bunch of new people.

today we took and Entrance exam for new studants to see where we are Biblically. and i pretty much failed. i hope i get to know all the stuff on that test. wich i probably will. i'm really excited about that.

well. be praying for me. financial stuff is the only thing i'm really stressed about.


see you all later!

wow. it's been so long since i've posted. it's time to dust off this old blog page and update myself. letsee. i've been traveling recently. went to Nepal. it was quite a trip and i should blog about it sometime. i'm going to be going to multnomah the end of this month. i'm really stressed about finances. i got a puppy. his name is gizmo. he is a cuttie. all my friends are trying to set me up with different guys, but i would rather the guy come to me. it just seems better that way.
i was transferred to mollola thriftway so i'm working there. it's alot of fun. alot of different people i've been getting to know. i should get some cool pictures up here. that'd be great. i went to counsel high school camp a few weeks ago with my church. ot was really fun. and a little challenging. joy and emily, my to good friends are both pregnant. so that's really exciting. i'm learning all about babies through them. i'm going to a homegroup in scott and becky's house now. it's alot of fun. and........yah. i can't think of much more.

Estacada First Baptist Highschool Winter Retreat

Good Times I say!
Ok. Recap on my Favorite moments.

1) Yelling at Allissa to stop hitting ping pong balls at the boys.
2) Emily and Mrs. Commisioner.
3) The Beautiful views.
4) The really cold snow, and the fact that I had snow shoes.
5) Fellowship with other strong beleivers. I haven't done that in forever and I had been feeling Gravity sink in.
6) God! (should've been #)
7) Cleaning the Kitchen with all the girls.
8) Watching Jake get his exploder stuck in the snow.
9) Getting to know some really cool kids, that were just aquaintances, but now really good friends.
10) Last but not least, the spiritual growth of everyone there including me!

It was awesome. and Apparently my spiritual gift is Shepharding. Ahahah! and a bunch of other stuff. I'm excited to see if this is true. :)

anyways. God is amazing and He is helping me crawl out of the deep pit of "almost Luke-warmness..." if it weren't for my constant awareness and the feeling of urgency to get out. if that makes any sense. i Know the main reason for me having a hard time focusing on God is the lack of contact with Fellow Belivers. But slowly that will change. anyways. the retreat did it's duty. It helped me refocus on God and my friends. and it gave me a nice break from work. ahhhh, it was nice.

So, how many of you fellow Christians beleive it's ok to do Yoga, if your not doing the Hindu stuff that goes along with it? how many of you even know that Yoga is from a Hindu religion?
let me ask you a question.
If you decided to do yoga, but you told yourself, "I'm going to pray before, during and after the session, so that i can't be spiritually weak during the session. And I will not do anything that blatantly is Biblically incorrect." Do you think that's ok? Is it ok for Christians to do Yoga?

Good evening. It's been quite a while since i've spilled my intestines upon this nice screen. How has my audience been? Good? Wow. with my absence, your GOOD!

anyways. enough talking to myself.

I must say God keeps proving Himself to me. eveytime i give a little hint of doubt He always shows up subtly at first and if i fail to listen to the subtle attemp, He shoves Himself into my life making Himself powerfully known and ready and willing to use those doubtful moments as a learning tool. Like a really smart teacher who knows every aspect of His students life and He knows how that student coupes and learns. It's Awesome. I read in the book of Collossians the other day...and man. How come i never remember being so excited to read about Christ. It's like starting over and breathing for the first time. I find that instead of reading of Christ's life i want to hear how everyone else perceived Him. Like paul and peter. How they saw Him and what they know. Colossians and Hebrews. and Phillipians. My all time favorite books of the Bible at this point in my life.

so. yes. Thanks God.