well. Here's my history.

I was born in California, Palm Springs. To my mom and i beleive her boyfriend Ken Thornton (i don't know if they ever got married). We lived in a makeshift bus...He was a drunk and a druggy, . My brother kc was 2 and chris was 3. The one and only time my biological dad hit my mom was the last and she left him. I know no one on his side of the family, and from what my mom has told me they are probably all dead and i wouldn't want to meet them anyways. Crazy people. So my mom moved back to where she had grown up, portland. She had a few friends then. Doc and Charla. (i don't know there last names.) they had two kids who i grew up with Richy and . well, Doc and Charla were friends with this guy named Terry Shrum. and they wanted my mom to meet him. so the four of them went out to dinner, and i'm pretty sure my mom took all three of us kids, because she never got a babysitter. Well, they liked each other alot, and from then on they called each other all the time and talked for hours. well, my Bio dad ended up dieing a few weeks later from Alchohol overdose, and my mom, with us, went to the funeral. My mom was sad, only because he was our father. She didn't miss him. When we got back from wherever the funeral was, Terry asked my mom to marry him. She, of course, said yes. and they got married within months. i don't remeber the marriage, i was three at the time. but i have seen the video and i was a plump little red head. I had this balloon that i was throwing down some stairs and i kept telling this woman (who i have no clue who it was) to "go get it"! yah, those were the dyas when women thought you "were cute and chubby" and would listen to your every word...
So after the marriage, we had a great family. we lived in some apartments for a while. next to Doc and Charla, then decided to ove. My new dad and old (:) Mom bought a Mobile Home in Estacada. We started going to church when i was about four, we went to Clackamas Bible Church, which was where my Mom's mom went. i liked that church. The kids never talked to me though. when i was around 6, i was flipping through a hymnal, counting the number of pages in it. (i did that alot...) my mom had prayed with me when i was five, a few minutes before i got on the bus to school, and i had "asked jesus into my heart". but as i sat in the bus, i vividly remember wondering "What on earth did i just do!?" who was this Jesus guy and what was it my mom had said...? Oh well!!!
so sitting in church, a year later, i was thinking about Jesus. and my pastor was just happening to be talking about how to beleive in Jesus and why we should and He had done. (i beleive it was an Easter service). All of a sudden, I could feel God sitting beside me and i knew it was real. He was speaking to me. It was intense. I was only six, but i knew God wanted me. so i prayed right there. without and leadership. no one really knew. it was just me and God. Together, forever. I was so excited. I loved God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. even though i couldn't possibly understand it. around the tiome of my true conversion, a missionary from africa came to our church to talk about his missions. I was so obsorbed in what he said. The pictures that he showed. I wanted to be there! I wanted to be apart of Gods deepest adventures. I prayed to God right there To let me go on a missiontrip. It wasn't specific! I just wanted to serve Him! I wanted to have an adventure. (and if you know me, and you know what i've done...well, let's just let that speak for itself!) well. My passion for Christ burned, and is still burning. The kids in my sundayschool class were the biggest distraction ever. I was hurt that none of them wanted to be my friend or wanted to talk to me. yah, i was quiet, but i felt that they should have tried a little harder. I built this wall around me, and wouldn't let them in. I am ashamed to say, there was a little hatred forming in me. i dreaded every moment i had to sit on sunday school. i dreaded stepping into the door, at the beginning, and watching them, fakely say "Hi Carina" and then go back to there talking and joking...it hurt deeply. anyways. by the time i was 13 i had no friends but was firmly established in Gods word. i liked our church, but my parents decided to swich to somewhere closer. i really missed my Grandma. but we tried different churches. we went to Estacada First Baptist but my mom thought the music was to wild and loud. we tried the Christian church but my mom thought it was to charimatic we found Dover Community. a small church with like 5 kids my age and the rest were way youngue or WAY old! only about 40 people in all. I liked that church. i liked the worship. there was a rundown piano, that was sometimes used, but usually we went without. The kids here were the same as CBC. They had already formed there own little click and weren't about to let me in. we went to the church for a few years, and ended up just not going to church at all. until i was about 18 did me and my mom want to go to church. we decided to got o Estacad First Baptist again. I had met joy, and knew she was going there. so was kin butler. so, i knew some people. so we went. i HATED. walking into sunday school. i dreaded stepping in and being the center of attention. masami was nice, but i was very intimidated by him. and knew no one but joy and kin and jon butler. it was scary. so i only went a few times. the rest of the time i just went with my mom. well, it came about that joy was leaving for india around the time we started going every sunday. i was dissapointed that i couldn't go. i really wanted to. she got back, and told me all about it, but aside from sundays we never really saw eachother. my other friends were either being dumb or had moved away a long time ago. so...the biggest time of my life, was the next year when i went to india myself. joy was there, as was jason and masami and brent. Masami and Brent were the two people i was most afraid of. I can't explaine it. it was pure terror. i was also really intimidated by jake cox. the moment it clicked that they were both on my side and were my friends was this moment...we were walking through the bazaar and masami sidles up to me and says..."if i grabbed a Rickshaw would you ride in it?" it was the weirdest question ever, but i really wanted to ride in one so i said"sure...". like 20 minutes later, i had completely forgotten the whole scene, and all of a sudden masami is sitting in a rickshaw and yelling at me to jump in. i was so confused!!! i didn't know what was happening!!! so i leap into it before i knew what i was doing (cornering yself so that i had to be talked to by HIM...) And we were off. we rode for about 15 minutes then stopped to wait for the others. we sat there. watching a thin little boy pick up trash. we watched this fat little boy on this prancing horse led by a guy. he was weird and annoying, flipping a little witch and hitting the horse to make it go faster, which it didn't. all the while we just sat there. masami told me how much he missed his family and asked me if i missed mine. i said yah. it was nice and relaxing. we just talked like friends. i put my guard down and realized, he was my friend. the rest of the week was GREAT! well...that was the most socially agonizing growth period for me. then there was Basketteball in college the next year. and all that stuff. it would take forever to begin to keep writing. so i will stop for now. it feels good to speak about all that. i know you stopped reading at Clackamas Bible Church. but that's ok. :)

pardon the mispellation elaine.

goodbye.

Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.
Hebrews 10:25 NLT

I was just thinking about the meetings we had in India. Sitting on the balcony or in a bedroom, or even in the hotel rooms in Dharmasala (where secrecy was Inforced by Masami :) how important they were. I would have pruned up and died from Hunger and Thirst for God's word. I would have been so distracted by the sounds and tastes and smells and feelings, there would have been no room for God, and i would have forgotten to pray and focus. But it was because of those meetings that i was able to grow far more spiritually than if i had been thrown to the wolves all alone.

Thanks Brent and Masami. (even though i HATED [with a passion] singing! let me count how many good singers there were compared to me. Brent, Jason, Joy, Jake and Jake, Lisa and Vivian! yah! WHAT NOW!!!!:) WELL. I was really glad to hear them sing. it was like water to my soul! but when they insisted that i sing...well...that was maddening. i'm the kindof person who gets more out of hearing the verses than singing them. and can you imagine me trying to explaine that to the two BOSSES? nope...

anyways. ahaha nice lead away from my true discussion. thanks for listening.

I took this survey once and it asked, "what's on your mouse pad?" and i couldn't answer because i didn't have one. but now i do, and i wanted to tell everyone. my mousepad has a sweet wrinkly dog asleep on a beach chair, and in a thought bubble above his head it says..."do not disturb, Genius at work."

so that's what it says.

it's now 11:26 p.m. and i'm exauhsted because i went on this grueling bike ride with Lanlle. i Honestly felt like quitting. but isn't it funny how God has desined the mind to push you to the limit. my body screamed to stop and rest, for only a moment, but my mind kept saying...keep going, every second is closer to the goal. give it your all. so tell me what spiritual stuff i can get out of that? i don't want to tell you because i don't know, but i know God can teach us something from it...

now what is it?

hopefully you can tell me. but while your thinking i'm going to sleep on it.

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/cwn/081106witness.aspx

read this. it's awesome.

ok.naturally, when you read about the isrealites and the numerous times they displeased God and disgraced His Holy name, it makes you mad. (well, this is from my perspective...). I get really mad and Annoyed. Why would they forget God. Through so many really awesome guys like Gideon and The left-handed dude, God was glorified. Then there were the prophets. Nathan Elijah Eleisha....you name them, they glorified God with awesome and Mind-boggling miricles. yet everytime, after one generation of God-fearing people died off, it was replaced by the next generation of God-disgracing people, and the circle continued. You'd think, somewhere along the line someone would look throughout history and see a pattern! you would think they ALL would!

well. i know most of you are flabbergasted by these chain of events. it makes me NOT want to read the old testement, if it weren't for all the ACTION packed events in it.

well. do you think we have a similar pattern. almost like a pattern of sin? our faith i God is so strong...than once it dies away, sin takes over again...

i know God is using the old testement to show us things. but i'm not sure what...
maybe you people can clear up my mind and make it make sense. AT leaste TRY!!!! :)

ok. I've laid down my thoughts and idea's and my confused thinking. what do you have to say about it?