so i am going to vent. right here, right now. i absolutely hate school, this is not where i should be. my body wasn't meant to be around so many people at one time. each day makes me feel more clostrophobic and i feel like my heart is going to be torn from my chest. Graphic i know, but there have been just so many days where i just wanted to sit down and cry. in fact, this last week i did. i had just got denied to EAT! because i had accidentaly left my id card at home, so i couldn't eat the food that i was FREAKING!!! (YES FREAKING!!!!) PAYING FOR! and as i turned away from the guy who was saying..."i'm sorry, i need your card" i just started to cry. and i hate it when people see me cry, so i ran off campus as discreetly as i could and walked to this park that was just a second away, and i sat at a bench and just cried for like 20 minutes. it wasn't that i couldn't eat. the guy was nice, somewhat, it wasn't that. it was the constant feeling of lonliness, not knowing anyone yet having so many people around me. it was the constant stress of not being able to pay for college. it was the constant...worry. the stress of 40 hours of work and almost full time college! it was just waying so heavily on me. needless to say, i felt so much better after that little crying spell. sometimes the Lord just takes us to a spot where we need to be broken, and i really had never felt that before. it makes the Love of Christ that much more beautiful and in a way more tangible. I always knew in my heart that God loves me. but after that moment, it was like i could almost really feel it. maybe a grain of heavan. who knows. but i really feel like Bible College isn't for me. I love learning about the Lord, and serving Him. but i think this isn't the place for me to fo it. i miss my friends, and my family. and i'm just so stressed out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!

ok. thanks blogger for letting me vent. your almost like a diary, except now everyone knows what i'm dealing with. Peace out all of you faithful readers of my blog.