Life has been stressful, eye opening, transforming, hard, up-setting, refreshing and altering, the last 2 years. Sometimes when i was just so depressed and lonely i wondered why God put me through some of the things He put me through. And now that I have, through the support and strength of Christ, gotten through some really hard times I can see His guiding hand in all of it. It has gotten me not only closer to taylor and made me learn to trust him more and to want to be comforted by him, but it has drawn me even closer to God and also, helped me learn to trust Him.
Trust has been so hard for me. I don't know why. Maybe my issue with trust comes from never seeing my dad, who always was working, and seeing my parents marriage not as a marriage, but as two people living together. of course, it wasn't until this last year that I realized what was happening with my parents, when my mom told me they were going to marriage counseling. It was like a huge block smashing me in the chest. My whole childhood,I saw what I thought was a great marriage. My parents were faithful to eachother. My dad was a hard worker. My mom stayed at home and taught us kids. Until now, i never saw that my dad was ignoring my mom through work, my mom was never communicating, there was no intimacy, they never went out on dates, my dad never communicated. It was a cold, lifeless, rotting marriage. I found out recently that my mom had been molested and raped as a child and younge adult. And my dad had been struggling with depression for quite a long time. not only were they not communicating with eachother, they were not communicating with me...or my brothers for that matter. Are family had fallen apart. And all this came to my realization right after i got engaged to taylor. How horrified was i, realizing how failed of my a marriage my parents had, and now i was expected to start my own marriage without any good guidance, and training form the two people who should have been preparing me my whole life. It was frutstrating, overwhelming and angering. i just didn't know how to deal with that.
....those are my thoughts right now. I have to go now. but more stress-relieving to come. :)

i would paint something like this.

I just had an idea. I had been wanting to do a "Wishing Tree". but i am also under a tight budget. I was thinking i will take a square flat piece of wood. Paint a tree on it, artisticly, then just have a bowl of thumb-tacks and paper for wish notes, to tack onto it. it's unique and artistic. i love this idea!

i just found a unique bridal boque. i really want to do this for my wedding!
you collect about 80 brooches, and make them into a boquet! wow, they are so cool looking!

So i want to start blogging about my wedding planning. Get all my ideas out in cyber space. :)

so my theme is kindof-"unique representation" i guess. i just want mine and taylors wedding to represent our unique personalites coming together.
our colors are Canary yellow and Cornflower blue.
My bridesmaids are Alissa, Adi and Leah and my MOH is the amazing Joy Wiseman.
Taylors groomsmen are Rob Gaskill, Jackson Hicks and Brian Mcguire. His MOH is Robert Crombie. we have such a fun group of people.
We are having the wedding at skibowl. It is going to be so cool. everyone gets to go up on the ski lift, take a short walk to the venue, a beautiful grassy flat area with an amazing view of mount hood. after the ceremony everyone will get to take the slide down to the reception, which will be a big white tent.
I am still figuring out the flowers, but i know that white and blue iris's will be used. they are my favorite flower.
the girls boquets will be balloons. i think it's very unique and "carina-esque" as joy put it.
i am super excited to post more about my wedding soon!