well, i found some really fascinating sites on free-masonry and spiritual warfare and subjects of that nature. they're really good and i'd sugjest listening to and reading some of it.

http://www.ericbarger.com/

http://www.exmormon.com/audiolibrary.html

Holy Cow.

I think my old decrepid mouse just had a sezuir!

Alright. I'm back and I'm ready for action.
camp is completed. With many Godly convictions on the teenage girl's parts! It was quite awesome to watch. Now alls i have to do is pray that they don't forget the presence of God and His power that He showed them throughout the past four weeks of girls that i've "lived" with.

so. what did i learn throughout this last week.

I am not as "coherent" (?) to God as i once thought.
the situation was this.
so there was this girl in my cabin who was going into jr.high. all the rest of the girls were going into highschool. (yes, they normally try to keep the same ages in the same cabins, but through many divine plans and whatnot...i ended up with her.) so i could tell she was nervous and probably unsure of how to act around these older girls, so she automatically reverted to "annoying little sister" mode. Constantly not joins the discussions, acting like a baby and being annoying and rambunctious to all the other girls. at one point i felt the "need" to take her on a walk. no words were coming to my mind, so instead of asking the Lords guidance, i blurted out that she was being rude. not in a mean way. i said it quietly and calmly. and then i said i understood she was the youngest and blah blah blah...

so. that was that. i told her i wasn't mad at her. and let go and play some random game she really wanted to play. so i never thought much about that situation, but i felt kindof "bad" or "disgusted" about how i went about it. well, it wasn't;'t like i strangled her, like i almost did kat and mo...but still felt weird.

so the last day of the weeks rolls in, and it was our last discussion. i was heading towards the cabin. thinking of questions and stuff. when my other co-counselor, comes to me and says she is going to talk to the girl before discussion. i knew her intentions were pure and God-led. and then it was as if God was telling me "hey, i honestly, gave you the one-on-one time that you needed, that one day...butyou slacked of and let it slide. but don't worry, Sarah's (my co-counselor) has take it up." well. that's what i learned. i'm not sure how to put into words. Listen to God harder than you think you are. i'm sure you can understand how pathetic i felt towards God.

But, those are the times where He teaches me the most.

Alright. Thank you elaine for the inspiration (when you commenetd on joy blog after my comment...etc.) so. Elaine was saying... [Quote] "Prayer is a really good thing..."

let me ramble here for a sec...

What if God hadn't though of prayer or made it known to us or decided that it just shouldn't exist? Holy Cow! it's almost Mind Breaking, just consisdering it. Not being able to talk to God and intercede for others or for yourself or Not to praise Him through prayer or to ask for things or makes things known to Him. It's like having a Commander or a leader who you can't confide in. Imagine how exasperating it would be to have a Commander stand over you and give you commands and you could even ask him why or how or help! it would be crazy.

well. i was hoping to get more out of my mind. but alas, it is not happening.

so...

anyways.

i found out that if i don't play with my guinea pig every day, she can die from depression. the poor things been left without me for like two whole weeks. she was probably prepared to die. she still doesn't like me. so...joy (wink wink) while i'm gone at camp i give you full permission to come over and play with Rocky. i can even set up my room so that it would be safe for her to run around! doesn't that sound exciting!??!

she likes paper bags. i concocted this really awesome mecenizm. two paper bags, taped end to end with a hole in both centers! she loves it. :)

anyways.

not much else i can say. except...

no. nevermind. ttyl friends.

ok..it's time for some serious "venting"...joy feel free to join in.

i realize this won't help me now that camp is over...but i know it will feel as good as crying and screaming about it.

one of the greatest things i hate is disrespect for an elder. me and joy were placed in leadership positions and it was shredded before our eyes. every camper under our "control" was disrespectful in some way...(discounting two...i suppose.) it was disheartening and angering and exauhsting. it almost makes me want to throw away any thoughts of working with tghese kids ever again! it makes me want to throw myself on the ground and give up! i just wanted to give up this week. i had nothing to look forward to. there was no goal, besides glorifying God, and that wasn't happening with the way my additude was going. my anger flared up on many occasions, most of the time to the point of tears or physical torture! i almost at one point knocked tami abernathy out with a flashlight! (true story!) i began to dred waking up in the morning. i was constantly fatigued which made my anger worse. all in all...it was a horrid week. well, when i consider all the times i got upset...which was EVERY night! but i'm sure God did work some good into the week. i confronted!!! that was the bigest thing i was worried about, and i followed through. it was awesome. i almost smacked the two kids because they weren't going to listen to me...but i followed through. :)
YAY!!!

let me tell you what happened...

me and joy were standing near the food area at like 10 at night. and behind us were this guy and girl. they were like in each others laps! so i bend over and whisper to joy..."hey...there's some serious PDA going on behind us", but it didn't look like joy was about to do something. well, she asked if they were counselors...which they were silent...so i said..."hey you guys need to seperate..."

they didn't budge

so i step forward and stood inches from there faces and said..." you can either separate now or i can sit between you guys...!!!" that was where i almost smacked them because it took them like a whole 30 seconds to begin to budge...the whole time i stood there staring. Hhahaha! it was pretty exciting. better yet, they probably didn't know who i was because it was dark!

anyways.

my venting is done.

i feel better. I know God did some amazing things this week.