uum....

you see. my last blog was annoyingly long, so i decided to delete it. :(

no turning back now. i will begin ankew. (anew...aknue...???)
so. now i miss my old blog. i feel so completely and utterly stupid for saying that. kindof like the people who say..."OH!!! it's my blogs birthday!!!!"....yah. i'm dumb. but i suppose i did have some nice deep thoughts that i don't usually share with the public.


oh well....


so. i'll start my first post off sortof .... nice .... and here goes. (warning.... :this is a long post)



God has been slowly working in my life. slowly, of course. so slow, that you can barely notice the change. of course that's how He works...at least that how He sometimes works. i'm sure there are times when He decides to do some surious, rapid change...but at the present moment in my life, that doesn't seem to be the case. india was a huge leap of faith for me. not the trip itself, but a couple days stick out in my mind that really challenged me emotionally and spiritually. the first thing that comes to my mind would probably be the day we walked up to "The High Place". (one thing that i still struggle with is telling deep, personal stuff with people...but typing it out on a computer screen seems less...scary.) the challenging part began before we started. when we walked up to LabSong and he told us the whole school was canceled from the death of a child. that was like a punch in the face!!! as if satan stood before me and scoffed at me saying "i've been giving the power to take this childs life. you have no control over this situation. nothing you can do will change the events that have just occurred." i felt a little sick, but i buried my emotions. it was weird. than we decided to walk up to "The High Place". walking that alone was grueling and exausting. a billion steps!!! i' not kidding, up the side of a huge mountain. this was at like 9000 feet!!! (were weak americans!!!) as we reached the Pinnacle...there began the prayer flags. if you can imagine. one little prayer flag. as thin as paper. on it a prayer, that when blown by the wind, will send off a prayer that will give off a certain amount of accumalative Good Karhma. take that one prayer flag and multiply it by the thousands. this is what we were approaching. a MASSIVE wall of prayer flags!!! longer and taller than my house. it was like a deep dark fortress, sauring with Vile evil. it was a taunting reminder of why we were there. to see that, after wasting all of our energy and also finding out that a little girl had just died. it was draining. so...we walked around for a bit. we did enjoy an amazing view, that briefly reminded me of Gods vast kingdom, and His loyalty and love for His creation. then we prayed. (i felt a little awkward in doing that, because i knew some of the student were lingering around the area...but it was worth it.) after that, i felt more defeated than ever. we turned and began walking down. passing the wall of prayer flags. the wind began to pick up and the sun was clouded over and than it began to sprinkle. that did it for me. the cold rain and wind hitting my face. i felt like the whole spiritual realm swooped down and slammed me with an intense wave of anger and deceit!!! as if to say!!! "YOU CAN'T WIN!!! WE OWN THESE PEOPLE!!!!" it was horrid. this is when i began to actually think, and i decided to pray about it. i was praying hard. and than it hit me...or more like God hit me and made me realize that just because it began to rain...that cold and wettness wasn't always a bad thing. (i'm not sure if i'll be able to explaine this right...) but than as God was speaking, i realized that the rain wasn't an evil sign, a horrid "omen". God turned it upside down and made it His Glory!!! it than began to feel like the rain was washing away the evil. it was like God was going before us to prepare that place for us. preparing it for our week, so that He could be fully Glorified, in everything we did, said and felt. the wind was sweeping away the stench that the demonic strongholds had left behind. He was clearing our path. and i beleive He helped us accomplish more than we could ever and will ever imagine!!! GOD is good!!! :)

that was the first thing. the very beginning of the week, God was changing my body...without me really realizing it...

the second thing happened at the end of our time at the THF. (lanelle...bare with me on this. :)

it was when we were up in the glass room, having a "Cold One" with the coaches. the two coaches insited that we have a drink of indian beer before our late departure. (thinking back on this now...i find it extremely funny and amusing...) i was extremely uncomfortable. and sadly, i beleive it's because of my background. well...not MY background. first off i Hate alchohol. with a passion. i know what it does to people and i know what it can do. and i've personally seen the effects it can have on a persons life. my uncle danny is an alchoholic. because of stupid drunkeness, he's been through Many girlfriends and many kids. including my cousine crystal. he once got drunk and told his girlfriend (crystals mom) that if she left with crystal he would kill himslef. he than began slicing his arm with a knife. after that other events occured and now we are in the process of adopting crystal. so, that's just one uncle.than there is my uncle douge. my uncle larry. my uncle harry. ALL my grandpa's. everyone on my biological dad's side of the family are drunks...or druggies. i'm not quite sure. but the point is, i've seen what it can do. not only in my personal life. but in other peoples. like drunk drivers and stuff. now, i do realize, all the people that i've just pointed out have no self control and don't understand how to "say no". but i didn't know that the people i was with were "responsible". :( stupid me. when i first found out that they were all going to have a drink, i immediately got scared. i imagined all of them getting flat drunk and i was the only one sober. i of course, have never been in any situation involving one drunk let alone 9!!! (i didn't know that kyle and tim weren't going to drink).
now. i don't expect anyone to understand what i was going through. but it was scary. i was scared. even the fact that i was sitting by a group of people who were drinking was scary enough. and then when jerry had his third beer. (plus it stunk. i hate the smell of alchohol.) so, there i was. sitting there with a group of people, watching almost all of them drinking beer. i do admit, it did help that Kyle and Tim weren't drinking. i was almost at the point of tears. i was so intently watching each of my friends, looking for any signs of drunkenness. (of course i have never seen, in person, a drunk. so i was reverting back to all the movies i've seen with drunk people....) and of course *dun-dun-dun* no one got drunk!!! but, at the point where i was at my lowest, emotionally, is when God began to work in me again. i don't really know what He was trying or did teach me. but He did give me peace in that moment. i realized and learned, all in the same moment, that not everyone gets drunk from drinking one beer. and it's not bad. you just have to do it legally and under control. (no matter it was a scary moment. but, a saying from a dear friend. you can't get past the hard and scary stuff in life unless you experience it first. than once you've been through it, it's that much more easy to deal with the next time around. ....or something like that.)

anyways. i got past that moment. it was hard and challenging. but God walked me through it.

i've realized that i've been writing for EVER!!! BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.(lanelle e-mailed me just a few minutes ago, and is freaking out because i don't have a blog anymore...here's her e-mail...


Carina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you delete your blog???

Its GONE!

And, its totally GONE!!!

And you didn’t say anything about that…

Is everything okay?

Email me or something
lk

hahahah. i hope you don't freak out about what i wrote about the drinking dilema i went through. it was something i had to experience, in order to understand certain things.

but as usuall, God is Always good.

this is Carina,

signing off.