Lately I have been thinking about my relationship with Christ. How close do I feel to Him and how can I get closer. I finished reading a trilogy by Ted Dekker, the Circle Trilogy. Black, Red and White. It gives an amazing visual image of how Christ created and romanced us, how we fell away through sin and his amazing plan of bringing us back to Him as His Bride.

2 Corinthians 11:2

English Standard Version (ESV)

² For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.

Revelation 19:7-9

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁷ Let us rejoice and exult
    and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
    and his Bride has made herself ready;
⁸ it was granted her to clothe herself
    with fine linen, bright and pure”—

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

⁹ And the angel said^[a] to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

          God has such a beautiful story He has put us in. To see myself as a sinful person makes me sad, to sin against a God with such a powerful love for me, but it makes His story so much more intense and profound. God's love is deeper then I could ever understand, and to stand before Him as His bride someday soon will be thrilling. I am so grateful He has pursued me. Now it is my job to pursue Him and to get closer to Him. It can be quite a challenging  task, but given the Lord's perseverance for me, I know I must strive harder for Him.
          I know a lot of this doesn't make sense. It is my rambling mind, but I felt I needed to voice my mind.

          Now that I got that out of my head...a MONTH AND A HALF before little Liam comes. My mom bought a birth kit that has most of everything I will need for a home birth. Lots of pads, bed pads, a plastic sheet, Ziploc bags, some tinctures for cramps and inflammation, and a bunch of other stuff. Can't wait to pop this guy out and have, hopefully, a long break from pregnancy! (Lord willing...:)

What a beautiful story. I almost cried.

          Eli Stone Hicks turns 1 years old this month on the 22nd! Time flies when your having fun. I love this "little" guy so much. The other day I realized how much of a mom I have become in just 11 months, when I went to go get Eli out of his car seat and he gave me a beaming smile that almost made me cry, I was so happy to see it. He has 2 teeth on the bottom and an upper tooth already poking through. He can stand on his own and Taylor and I just know he wants to take his first steps soon. He rarely gets fussy, he loves to turn our TV on and off even when we gently swat his hand and say "no!" he still is defiant in his own little way. He loves to crawl around the house to see what little bits of destruction he can get into, whether he plays in the garbage can or finds a book or magazine I didn't put far enough out of his reach. We lay in bed each night and talk about the different things we love about him and how excited we are to see the differences and similarities between him and his soon-to-be little brother Liam. To think, Taylor and I haven't been married more than 2 years and we will have 2 babies!
          I am currently 31 weeks, since Monday. I am starting to get more out of breath, just from rolling over in bed. I wake up around 3 am every night with the burning desire to pee! I have a slight "waddle" to my step which will get worse as the weeks progress. I have a few more newly sprouted stretch marks on my belly this time. I went to the Pregnancy Resource Center the other day, due to my mom's insistence, and got a new outfit and a new pair of pants...but I felt really awkward so I don't think I will go back. And the biggest part about this pregnancy is the decision that Taylor and I made about where we will have Liam...which will be in our home. We decided to go the Home Birth route for a few reasons, 1) Money. It cost us over $3500 for Eli's birth, going through Alma Midwifery it will cost us $1700. Quite a difference. 2) I really didn't enjoy the hospital experience. I wanted a natural birth, and when I hit 10 cm and was about ready to push they didn't let me know that, until after I caved (thinking I still had a few more hours of labor with excruciating contractions) and opted for the epidural. Looking back, if I had known I was 10 cm, I would have just dealt with the pain. Plus, sleeping in a hospital bed is uncomfortable, being woken up every other hour throughout the night was annoying and poor Taylor had the worst bed of all. With a home birth I will have my own bed, will be able to sleep better and rest better and heal better. 3) The experience. Taylor and I are planning on having at least 4 kids, and the chances of me having one of them over-seas in Asia (which is where we want to serve as missionaries) is pretty high. So to have the experience at home, I think will be very helpful in the future if I will have a baby in a foreign country, surrounded by women who don't speak my language and am far away form a hospital. All just future guessing, but best to be prepared. I already love my mid-wives. I will have 3 attending my birth. My main midwife, her assistant and a girl in training.

          I can't wait to meet Liam Carter Hicks, and I can't wait to see how Eli adjusts to his new sibling. It will be fun to see them play together when they are older, yet so close in age. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Eli. 8-9 months

Babies are a blast!

Everything...

Here is a list of things that have happened since I last posted. 1) Eli turned 9 months! 2) He got 2 bottom teeth last month...January. 3) He started crawling @ 9 months. 4) He is currently working on standing and shuffling around furniture. 5) I am pregnant...23 weeks currently. 6) It is a boy. 7) We like Liam Carter Hicks at the moment. 8) He is kicking regularly, and I am loving it. 9) Taylor and I were planning on moving to Houston, Texas in July for a year, for a missionary training school. 10) Due to our current financial situation we decided, this week, to hold off a year or two. 11) Next Friday we go to Youth Group Winter Retreat, YAY! 12) That's all I can think of... Whew. It has been a lot...but all exciting and all led by the Lord. I have been learning and being taught, to lean on and trust God. It has been hard, but with Taylor...and of course Christ...I have been learning so much. Taylor will leave next month to stay in India for a month. I am so torn, I will really miss him, but I am so jealous and wish it were me going. I don't know if I will go crazy. Now that I quit Thriftway, everyday ever minute seems to drag on as I wait for Taylor to come home. What am I going to do for a full month, waiting and barely being able to talk to him. Aaaaah...it will be a struggle. May the Lord grant me peace.

I Don't Care.