I feel like i need to explaine alot! All the posts that i posted of school were really depressing and horrible and i said how much i hated school and i wanted out. That is not true. The Lord used those trying months in some intense ways and it took stepping outside of school and work and my relationships to actually understand why He put me through what He did. Let me explaine. I walked into school thinking it would be a breeze working full-time and taking ten credits. But ten credits at Multnomah are not the same as ten credits at CCC. I found that out the hard way. I also had to endure extra stress from my job, by getting promoted and having to re-evaluate some "friends" i had made. all this to say i relized 1) i don't want to work where i am right now God has bigger and better plans for me. 2) i DO want to get married. i tried to imagine what my life overseas would be like by myself, and i got really scared. :) and 3) i miss school so much. i really started to get to know some people just before it let out, i finally got comfortable with the routine...and now i really want to go back and finish! so yeah. God worked big things in me. there were several times where i was completely broken. but you only become stronger. and thats what i did. i am so ready for Nepal!

There is a picture of me and my aunt. she is an amazing woman of God. she loves the Lord. I only wish her kids could see Christ in her. Their hearts are so hard. how is it possible that two people who live with someone their whole lives and see that persons devotion to Christ...and even show signs of themselves beleiving...choose to not beleive in Christ in the end. How is that POSSIBLE! i don't know. i love my cousins alot. and i don't want to see them where they will end up if they don't choose Christ over their selfish life-styles. Hell. some days i just want to grab a friend and drive to downtown portland to find Joey, see how he's doing. He is living in a shelter and last time me and my aunt "randomly" (because it was obviously the Lord who showed us where he was...) found him he seemed to be high. we got him subway and he seemed really uncomfortable. he had a friend with him. i dont remember her name. we got them two sandwiches and they pretty much ate and ran. Joey is also gay. it just makes me really sad to think about...

then there is Jessie. she says she is a beleiver, but thats hard to beleive by the way she lives her life. i don't know the full de-tails, just what her mom tells me. she party's , she was living with her boyfriend, she dropped out of college because of her partying and all sorts of other factors. it just makes me sick, thinking of he hypocrisy.

and my heart tears for my aunt. she tried so hard to raise good kids all by herself. with a flakey ex-husband who refuses to pay child support and never saw his kids. man. it just makes me so mad.

i don't know why i even am talking about this. i wasn't planning on it. i just saw a picture of my aunt and just thought of them. I know God will be just in their lives. i will just continue to pray and hopefully get the opportunity to see them and talk to them.

on a happier note! 28 days till i leave for Nepal! i am so excited! i pretty much have all my finacial stuff taken care of. i bought a new camera the other day so i am excited to get to use it. ooo my i am so excited! and i have all my prayer partners plus MORE! thank you all of you who will prayefully support me! i couldn't do it without you! i can't wait till the day comes when i step foot off of that plane and smell the "Nepali" air. Indescribable. :)

so i just barely passes all of my classes at school. i got mostly d's with one "pass" i am not on accademic probation, which means i HAVE to get my GPA up by the next semester or...i am not sure what will happen. it's kindof stressful, but i know it was in an odd way, a good experience. i now know what to expect and i can save up all summer then get a new job when fall term starts up again. a job that is less resposibilty so i can put all my mind into school. i know i can do it! i CAN!!!! and i WILL!!!! i PRAY and HOPE that this is what the Lord wants for me. it feels right! we will see as this new year progresses.