To die is gain...

2012-01-20T10:39:00.001-08:00

I am so tired lately. Yesterday I felt eli push off the tips of my ribs. It felt really weird. He has been kicking a lot lately to. This is what I imagine what those who were implanted with an alien, in the movie alien, felt like. Having a creature, or in my case a little boy, growing inside you. I'm sitting in the Dr. Office waiting to have my cervics measured one last time. I hope all goes well. Did I mention I am super tired...

I'm back!

2012-01-05T18:38:00.001-08:00

Awesome! I found a Droid app. That let's me blog. Finally. Why didn't I think about this before? Well time to catch up...
A few weeks ago, I went in for a baby checkup and my midwife told me that when they did a measurement of my cervics, it seemed shorter than it should be at my time of pregnancy. This caused concern, as it could make me go into pre-term labor and most likely lose the baby. She set up an appointment for me to go to st. Vincent's in beaverton, to see a Dr. Who specialized in pre-term births. So I set up an emergency appointment, went in about a week later, and they re-measured my cervics. The out come was it was shorter than it should be, by about a centimeter, but it hadn't gotten shorter. Worse case scenario, if my cervic was shortening, I would have to be put on bed rest. So the Dr. Put me on a program where they would call me every Tuesday to ask me about my symptoms and if I had any concerns or questions. And I was to come back in, in two weeks to get re-measured. There were a few days where I had semi-painful contractions, but nothing rhythmic or four within an hour. I went back in this last Wednesday and got re-measured and thankfully it has stayed the same. The Dr. Was happy, and so was I. He still is having me come in for another measurement in two more weeks, so God willing it will still stay the same.

2011-12-09T13:51:00.000-08:00

So I havn't had any internet in so long, so much has happened. I got married to Taylor. Marriage has been fun. We have learned alot about eachother and have settled into married life nicely. And now we are expecting a cute little baby. Taylor and i went to the hospital yesterday to find out what we are having. we were in the room getting measurements through the ultrasound for a good hour and a half. We got to see the heart, the hands and feet, the face, the bladder and kidneys. and then we got to ind out that it's going to be a little Eli (if we stick with that name :) yay, we were very excited to hear that, now we will have a big boy to take care of his little brothers and sisters. after we found out, taylor's mom and my mom with crystal came in to see the baby. That was really fun, and they enjoyed it. I have to go to work now so i will be on whenever i can!

2011-04-13T21:39:00.000-07:00

So my parents had a great time at the wedding retreat. They came back inspired and excited, and it was really encouraging to see. Today me joy, alissa and adi all went to Micheals and shopped for invitation stuff. It was really fun. I was a little overwhelmed because i really didn't know what I was looking for, but in the end I got some good things to start with. Then i met up with Taylor and we went and looked at apartments for him to move into. One was an apartment complex, it was really nice. Nice kitchen and the rooms were a decent size. It had it's own balcony and little storage unit. I really liked it. oh, and it also had it's own laundry, wich was awesome. :) The other place was alright. It was a little over our budget, so we will see.
So lately i have been feeling depressed and worn out. I am so overwhelmed with the wedding planning. I don't even know where to start, and there is so much. It just makes me feel like pulling out my hair or punching a wall. I am glad, though, that i took at least a small step towards it by getting stuff for invites, but it seems so meenial. I just have to keep telling myself that it will turn out well in the end. I just feel like there will be alot of people who will be judging my decisions, so i am not looking forward to that. aaaah well. I am off to nurse my pounding headache...

2011-03-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

so tomorrow my parents are going on a marriage retreat for 3 days (without crystal). i am so proud of them. i was so discouraged on my last post, but God has been faithful to my prayers and has taught me to trust Him. i knew that trusting God was something i needed to work on, and i prayed about it. and lo and behold, just like when i prayed for patience when i was 15, He answered in so many different ways my head is spinning. i want to thank joy. she said something to me, when i first found out my parents were struggling that sticks in my mind. she said "be glad your parents love eachother enough to go to counseling." i didn't know how to feel about that or not, i just wanted their marriage to be instantly better. but i should've known it would take time, silly me. i'm glad they were willing to stick it out. also, i want to thank God who put taylor in my life. without taylor, it would have been so much harder to go through this. he was there to comfort me, and to talk through it with me, and since he had already experienced worse than what i had to go through, he could relate. God is always faithful. i now kindof understand the verse that says God will only give you what you can handle.
the newest things on my "stress list" is my car. about 2 days ago i was driving back home from taylors and i shifted up to 1st and my car wouldn't accelerate and it started to shake really bad. so i pulled over by the fire-staion in estacada and (having left my phone AT taylors) i walked back to taylors so he could give me a ride home. the next day i had my car towed to a muffler store. all day yesterday and today i worried and worried about my car. will i have to shovel out a bunch of money to fix it? will i have to get a new car? if i fix it, how long will it take? will i be able to get to work, or will i have to ride my bike or walk? i am just so worried about it. yesterday i almost threw up i worried so much! Gah! i hate it when i do that. i need to again, learn to rely on God and His strength in thisn area of my life, but it is hard.

2011-03-09T00:07:00.000-08:00

so i am thinking about making glow sticks for my centerpices for my wedding. i saw some pictures and they looked really cool, and instead of sparklers for being sent off, we will just have everyone grabbed the glow sticks and use those. i thought it was pretty unique. :) i found a websire that sells 100 glowstick for 14$ thats really cheap! :) yeah baby!

2011-02-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

Life has been stressful, eye opening, transforming, hard, up-setting, refreshing and altering, the last 2 years. Sometimes when i was just so depressed and lonely i wondered why God put me through some of the things He put me through. And now that I have, through the support and strength of Christ, gotten through some really hard times I can see His guiding hand in all of it. It has gotten me not only closer to taylor and made me learn to trust him more and to want to be comforted by him, but it has drawn me even closer to God and also, helped me learn to trust Him.
Trust has been so hard for me. I don't know why. Maybe my issue with trust comes from never seeing my dad, who always was working, and seeing my parents marriage not as a marriage, but as two people living together. of course, it wasn't until this last year that I realized what was happening with my parents, when my mom told me they were going to marriage counseling. It was like a huge block smashing me in the chest. My whole childhood,I saw what I thought was a great marriage. My parents were faithful to eachother. My dad was a hard worker. My mom stayed at home and taught us kids. Until now, i never saw that my dad was ignoring my mom through work, my mom was never communicating, there was no intimacy, they never went out on dates, my dad never communicated. It was a cold, lifeless, rotting marriage. I found out recently that my mom had been molested and raped as a child and younge adult. And my dad had been struggling with depression for quite a long time. not only were they not communicating with eachother, they were not communicating with me...or my brothers for that matter. Are family had fallen apart. And all this came to my realization right after i got engaged to taylor. How horrified was i, realizing how failed of my a marriage my parents had, and now i was expected to start my own marriage without any good guidance, and training form the two people who should have been preparing me my whole life. It was frutstrating, overwhelming and angering. i just didn't know how to deal with that.
....those are my thoughts right now. I have to go now. but more stress-relieving to come. :)

2011-01-31T13:38:00.000-08:00

i would paint something like this.

2011-01-31T13:36:00.000-08:00

I just had an idea. I had been wanting to do a "Wishing Tree". but i am also under a tight budget. I was thinking i will take a square flat piece of wood. Paint a tree on it, artisticly, then just have a bowl of thumb-tacks and paper for wish notes, to tack onto it. it's unique and artistic. i love this idea!

2011-01-31T13:25:00.000-08:00

i just found a unique bridal boque. i really want to do this for my wedding!
you collect about 80 brooches, and make them into a boquet! wow, they are so cool looking!

2011-01-31T12:39:00.000-08:00

So i want to start blogging about my wedding planning. Get all my ideas out in cyber space. :)

so my theme is kindof-"unique representation" i guess. i just want mine and taylors wedding to represent our unique personalites coming together.
our colors are Canary yellow and Cornflower blue.
My bridesmaids are Alissa, Adi and Leah and my MOH is the amazing Joy Wiseman.
Taylors groomsmen are Rob Gaskill, Jackson Hicks and Brian Mcguire. His MOH is Robert Crombie. we have such a fun group of people.
We are having the wedding at skibowl. It is going to be so cool. everyone gets to go up on the ski lift, take a short walk to the venue, a beautiful grassy flat area with an amazing view of mount hood. after the ceremony everyone will get to take the slide down to the reception, which will be a big white tent.
I am still figuring out the flowers, but i know that white and blue iris's will be used. they are my favorite flower.
the girls boquets will be balloons. i think it's very unique and "carina-esque" as joy put it.
i am super excited to post more about my wedding soon!

2010-08-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

So wedding planning has died down. I am still excited to plan it, it just seems work has become more overwhelming and time consuming. Oh well. some ideas i have thus far. for flowers i want my bridesmaids to hold baloons. i think its unique and shows my personality. i will hold a slim boquet of iris's and maybe some lavender. we are having it at skibowl, and there is this amazing view of mount hood wich i LOVE! AND the workers will be doing all the setup. also to get to where the ceremony is at you have to ride the skilift! wich is amazing! I have found my wedding dress and my bridesmaids are well on their way to getting theirs. i went to bens wedding yesterday and all i could think of was my wedding and how scared i would be standing in front of everyone and in front of taylor ha. but i love him so much and cant even wait to be married! :)

2010-07-05T23:13:00.000-07:00

So for the past few weeks, taylor and I had been planning on hiking up multnomah falls on the 4th of july. Me, being my forgetful self, forgot to ask for it off, so i had to work at 1:30. We decided to get up really early so we would have time to hike up and enjoy the views and the falls. So we got up and left around 6 am. I was so tired, and the night before i had had the worst night at thriftway where everything was going wrong, to put it bluntly i was in a very sour mood. I kept trying to enjoy taylors company but it was really hard. so we were driving along and taylor would ramble on about something, being his normal silly self, and i was slowly growing more annoyed. at one point i was trying to vent to him, to let him know how horrible of a night i had had, but in the middle of me talking he interrupted and rambled on about something else. I then just wanted to cry and i had a feeling that the morning hike would not be a very fun one. we arrived at Multnomah falls and started hiking. I was still really chilly and i had forgotten my jakcet so taylor let me wear one of his sweatshirts. It was nice and peaceful and there was no one around except some man wandering around with a camera. i finally decided after hiking for about ten minutes that i wasn't going to let the night before, ruin my day with taylor and i tried to ignore it. we made it to the top and we stopped and looked down at the falls. we talked a little and then we threw a couple pennies down the falls, just for fun, ya know. ha. then we continued hiking. there was this spot that taylor and i had visited last year that was so nice. there were a couple rocks sitting in the middle of the stream that you could sit on and there was a waterfall in front and it looked really pretty. As we approached that spot taylor asked me if i wanted to stop there for a while. I didn't want to because we would have had to walk through the icy cold water and i was still a little chilly. Taylor seemed a little upset, but i didn't pay much attention to it. so we kept hiking and i really had hoped we could get to the very top this time. we passed the nice romantic spot that taylor had wanted to go to, and a little ways ahead was another area where you could sit and look at another waterfall. this one you had to climb up a big rock and we found a tree that had fallen over that we sat on. we were sitting there enjoying eachothers company, watching the waterfall, and talking, when all of a sudden, taylor said "So I gotta question for ya." he looked at me and he looked really serious. but i thought nothing of it since taylor always had very odd questions he always asks me. i said ok, and he said very dramatically "are you ready?". i had thought odd....but "yes" i said. then he said even more dramatically "are you really ready?" "yes!" i said. i was very curious. then practically yelling he said "are you really really sure your ready!!??" "haha yeah! what!!!??" i said. then he whipped out his hand and in it was a box with a ring in it and he softly said "will you marry me?"

WOW! i was so in shock but without hesitating i said YES! then i said "really!? you serious?" and he said he was, and then i started to cry. hahaha! After all that time of me telling myself i would never cry when asked to marry someone, there i was blubbering like a baby. i don't remember putting my hand out, it was all a blur but he put the ring on and then we were kissing. aaaah, it was so nice. i remember i kept apologizing for crying and he kept saying it was ok. he seemed so scared and when we hugged, he was shaking. later i found out that when he kept asking me if i was ready, the ring had fallen out of the box and into it's lid and he was trying to put it back with one hand. hahah, silly taylor. i love him so much! so i finally calmed down but i wa still in shock. it took about half an hour for that foggy feeling to wear off. by then we were halfway down the trail. we had fun hiking back. people were passing us, and at one point we saw a man sitting on a rock and just as we were passing him i saw a little mouse like thing hop past me. i pointed it out to talor and i squealed! "look at the mouse!" and the guy in a very serious, and soft voice said "thats a pyke. only found in the gorge. they are almost exctinct..." he mumbled more about it and then me and taylor walked away and had a few laughs about that. then we drove to a truck stop, got breakfast then we were so tired we just sat in his car for almost an hour just sitting and talking and man we were both so happy! aaah...i am SOOO happpy! AND i am so lucky to have a man like Taylor! :)

2010-06-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

So taylor and i went to the beach this last saturday. we left at around 9 am. got lost, following mapquest directions, and finally arrived in Lincoln city at around 1 pm. we enjoyed a fun-filled drive full of exciting conversations, lots of laughs and taylor getting really frustrated and making me drive :). we decided to immediately stop and get food the second we drove into Lincoln City. so we stopped at some hole in the wall restaurant that had random cows all around the place for decorations. I had clam chowder in a bread bowl...DIVINE...and taylor had fish and chips. his was pretty good to. after lunch we drove to the beach, and went on a walk up the beach for about half an hour. we found a large rock in the middle of the beach which we climbed up and sat and read the Bible for about half an hour. then we sat and talked. it was cozy, and relaxing. we then walked back to where we started and went into the city and wandered around the shops. We walked into a small shop called "Grandma's attic" which was basically a very neat version of Mike's second hand store. taylor bought a walking stick and then talked to the lady for over fifteen minutes about the weather. oh boy, talk bout embarrassing. ha. then we went into a knife store and he bought a cool machete. that was a cool store. so yeah. we kept walking around then we decided to go BACK to the beach and walk up the other side. so we walked...for about three hours. we kept looking at the ground because the ocean was washing up these colorful small pebbles and we were trying to find the most interesting ones. then we stopped by a washed up log and sat some more and talked some more. and then we walked back! WHEW! lots and lots of walking. when we half way to his car we saw another area of small shops and i was getting so tired so we went in and he got me an iced frappe which was poorly made and not worth the $4.50 he paid, but we each got a piece of chocolate. i got Peanut butter Toffee and he got a Peanut Butter Truffle. Both were very tasty. so we got back to his car and we drove to a restaurant which i forgot the name of, but Taylor would remember :) it was really fancy and we sat in the bar by a window that had a nice view of the beach. it was really nice. we had some really tasty food. aaah, it twas fun. we were so exhausted but we wanted to stay and watch the sunset so we walked back to the beach and found that someone had left a dying fire, so we sat down by it and i read my book and he just sat there. it was also very relaxing. unfortunately our hour wait on the beach was almost in vain because there was no sunset because of all the clouds, but it still was very nice, and i finished my book. we then drove back home. i took a nap in the car and woke up to a very frustrated taylor and we were in some city which i forgot already. so taylor made me drive again and he fell asleep while i drove around, through downtown portland and finally found our way back to estacada.
and thus ended our beachy adventures. it was very fun. :)

2010-03-09T00:17:00.000-08:00

So yesterday i got so mad at work. Probably the madest i have ever been. It started when i got on. Tyler, a courtesy clerk who has been with the company well over two years, had started his shift at 8am. I started at 2 pm which meant he had 2 and a half hours left to finish all of his tasks. I walked the store to see all he had done, wich was absolutely nothing. I then told him he had until 4 to get everything done and then him and i would walk the store and i would check his work. He went off working, and I went and did my stuff. At four he was still working on stuff, wich really should have been done by the time i got on, so i gave him an extra 15 minutes. We then walked through the store, and he had hardly gotten anything done. The eggs weren't filled, the bottleroom was not cleaned or organized, the floors were dirty and not swept, the beer and soda weren't faced. Ahhh it made me so mad. So after i pointed all of that out i looked him in the eyes and ssternly said "You have been slacking so much lately, it's rediculous. I assume you want your job. You had better start impressing me otherwise you won't have one. Everything that we just looked at should have been don't BEFORE i got on. You really need to pick up the pace on stop slacking!" I think i actually scared the poor kid. He kept saying "yah, your right." then i told him to go home. So that was tyler. I really hope he gets better, because he really is a nice kid.
So the rest of my day was uneventful. It was a nice easy day, and i was getting everything done. That night we had to get ready for the floor crew by pulling all floor displays off of the floor so they could clean them. There were these three tables in front by the checkstands that had a bunch of little debbie snacks, which after we closed i was going to just pick up and move into the checkstands. Well, i was making my usual round of the store when i came up front and saw Matt with a shopping cart, throwing all the Little Debbie snacks into it. I looked at matt and asked him what he was doing. He said he was getting ready for the floor crew. i then said "No put those back. we can just pick the table up and move it." he gave me this dumb look and said "uh i really don't think thats a good idea." I then said "Matt put them back. I picked this table up just the other night!" He grumbled and then started putting them back. A few minutes later I walked back up front and matt had another cart that he was putting these mini watermeolons in, which were in this little cardbord box. I asked him why he was doing that and to put them back because, yet again!, we can just move them easily into the checkstands. He then looked me in the eyes and said, "Carina i am going to have to disagree with you this time, i don't want to make a mess." I got so mad. I said it wouldn't make a mess, but he just ignored me. WOW! i was so mad. I just walked away. I didn't want to say anything that i would regret later. Just the fact that he refused to listen to me when i was making a descision really irritated me. ah. Oh well. It sounds like it wasn't that big of a deal, but i have always had trouble with this particular cashier. He never listens to me, or he will sit there and argue with me. Usually i just shrug it off, i really don't like conflict, but now it just REALLY makes me mad, that my authorty would be questioned.
well, i guess such is life as a manager. It was bound to happen.

2010-03-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

MOUNTAIN MAN GRADY!

2009-12-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

WOW! SO much has happened! i may as well start a new blog. But i won't. i really regretted the last blog i deleted! AH! OK. so. i moved out around April. i had just gotten back from Nepal. it was such a stressful trip. i will not lie. but so many amazing memories! but this is catching up time. more about Nepal later. i moved into my own apartment all by myself. the day i moved out Taylor and Robert and my mom all helped me move my few belongings into my home, and when they left it was so quiet. but i soon got used to that. :) sometime in July i found out that Taylor Hicks liked me. it was kind of funny because i am REALLY bad at figuring these kinds of things out. he even asked me out on a date once and i flatly refused because i thought he was joking hahaha. well, after i moved out i ws thinking about him alot...mainly because he wouldn't stop texting me all the time and asking me questions about myself. i started thinking that he might be someone i could see myself dating. so one day after consulting with joy alissa and adi (my group of girls who have always been there for me :) i decided to talk to him and tell him i was interested in that date if he still was...well, sortof. it ended up being an extremely awkward hour sitting in the grind, with taylor excruciatingly feeling very scared and rambling about so many random stuff. oh it was so funny.so we went on a few dates. it was pretty exciting. we had alot of fun together. one night we just walked from my place all the way down sunnyside past the aquatic center and went to that little park. and we sat on a curb for almost two hours just talking. after about five dates :) i told him he could ask my dad if he could actually date me hahaha...yeah i don't think i did it right. oh well. lol SO! we all went to APPLEBEES. me my parents Taylor and crystal. it was a little odd, to say the least. but my dad liked him and said yes. so that was it. we have been dating for almost six months! WOW!!! record for me!!! almost a record for him, hahah. that makes me feel special. we have had so many good times together, and we have been spending time getting to know eachother. it's been really nice. :) so thats the jist of my life right now. i have my first Boyfriend, Taylor Hicks and i am living on my own, now with my two kittens Kernal Muscles and Mittens. and life is pretty good.

2009-04-09T23:48:00.001-07:00

I found out last night, through a face book chat, that a good friend of mine was killed recently. Her name was Laurah Sylva. the last time i saw her was a few months ago. i randomly ran into her at multnomah where i found out she was actually going to school there. i was so excited to see her! litterally a few days before that i was at home digging through some old papers, and i found this little blue note that she had written to me severals years earlier during one of TCL weeks. I remember sitting on my floor reading the note and realizing how intense of a spiritual impact she had on me. one of my most favorite things to do was machette the trails with Laura and Eric and Bobby. there was this one time when Bobby and Laura planned this "picnic" up on one of the more remote trails. we packed some lunches and a couple huge juggs of water and drove to a drop off point, where we hiked for about fifteen minutes to this beautiful spot. Bobby and Laura had us all spread out and for 6 hours we did nothing but read the Bible in solitude. we had a break after three hours. (i am pretty sure it was six hours...) that was the coolest thing we did. and the nights in the girls room were spent talking about God with Laura. she loved Him so much and that love spread to me. so as i looked at that note i thought of her. and a few weeks later we ran into each other. we set a date and a time and got each others numbers, and in a few days we were sitting in then commons catching up. it was so nice to take time from my hectic life to be able to see her again and to hear all the Lord was doing in her life. i asked her if her and bobby were going to start having kids soon, and she said any surprise would be a good surprise (not excactly what she said...a definate paraphrase.) she told me how her and bobby were looking into doing some extreme adventure camps. it sounded so cool and exciting. Laura loved extreme sports. that's what i loved about her. how adventurous she was. she was one of the coolest women i know! and i miss her so much already. i can't stop thinking about Bobby...and how lonly he must be every night. and it tears my heart. i cried alot last night. it dawned on me this morning that i still have her number, i was looking forward to calling her somtime and asking if she wanted to go out for coffee and talk. i think this is the first time that i have lost someone close to me. i know i hadn't seen her in years, but the memories of her keep flooding in. i remeber walking in her room on her wedding day. she looked absolutely amazing! and i knew bobby was such a lucky guy. she looked so happy! oh my...i'm going to start crying again. just thinking about the pain that death brings, it's horrible. but i also can't stop thinking about how happy she must be with her saviour. i have to keep telling myself that, yes i will miss her, but she is by the side of the Almighty God, her creator. i am almost jealous, but still quite sad.

2009-04-09T23:09:00.001-07:00

sooo...i must say, there has been a lot of things going on in my life that need to be spilled out. several months ago i applied and was accepted to Multnomah Bible College. I thought it was going to be a breeze. I knew i was smart, and I knew God would "guide" me in how I should live my life. Little did I know that 1) My relationship with God was on "thin ice" and 2) satan really was going to distract me. there was this guy at work and his name was Jake. we were pretty good friends at first. we always got to take our lunches and breaks together and I got to get to "know" him. He was a good Christian guy who seemed to love the Lord and he worked at his church every sunday in the sound booths. I even went to church with him a couple of times (one of those times resulted in me getting a speeding tickette because i was late in meeting him there). it never dawned on me that my relationship with God was slowly being pushed aside to make room for what i thought might spring into a nice relationship (not a friendship, but a dating relationship) with...Jake.

Jake was a very physical guy. he was alwasy coming up to me and asking me for a hug.,and for months i refused! i never just go and Hug guys for the fun of it. thats definetly not in my nature. but he seemed like he wanted it and soon after i started going to school i gave in and started...oh my! HUGGING JAKE! yes i know. shocker. i started to really like hugging him and looking forward to the days we worked together. i would always find ways to get the same jobs with him, and i'm pretty sure he did likewise. he was great! but there was one problem...Christ was pushed off to the side. I could hear him, almost literraly, saying "Carina, that's enough of that guy. He doesn't love me, and wants nothing to do with me, and he is LYING to you." yeah, i heard God say that, but i refused to listen. i was to excited that i might have finally found someone that i was comfortable with and i could talk to and laugh with. we went on a couple of "dates". double dates with me and jake and my friend ivan and his girlfriend. twice we went to the movies and we had a very good time.

half-way through school, things started getting tough. my emotions were strained and the work load was piling up. I found myself sitting in class, day dreaming of "jake my lovely jake" instead of studying the Bible. my grades started dropping, homework started building up, stress kept me up all night and kept me on the verge of tears during the day. i know a part of it was working full-time with ten credits and no sleep...but i also know it was more than that. Jake was always at the top of my mind. my boss kept telling me i needed to choose between my relationships and my job if i were to be promoted. sadly i wish i had listened to him. because once i was promoted, my life became a living Hell. jake turned into a little monster, and his true nature began to show. the first day i was promoted i kept catching him with his cell-phone out on the sales floor. i kept asking him to put it away, but he would just laugh at me and tell me he didn't care about his job.

one night, as i was walking past the checkstands, i glanced down an aisle and saw jake, with another girl and they had just finished kissing on the lips. my heart stopped. i kept telling myself i didn't see that, why would jake do something like that. a few minutes later i ran up to the office (becasue i was an emotional wreck) and burst into the breakroom to find jake and this girl sitting at the table. jake said "hey come meet my cousin". there was a moment of relief and also a moment of doubt. why would jake kiss his cousin on the lips...uuum....grosss (lol i am so glad i can laugh about this now...beware...this all might sound like a stupid soap-opera). i said hi to her and went and sulked in the office. not much work got done that night. a few days later i was standing up in the office with inez, another manager, and we were talking about what was to be done that day. i was watching jake in the checkstands. he has a funny way of talking to the customers that always made me laugh. inez noticed i was watching him and she asked me if i liked him. i said yes. she told me she knew i liked him and that is when she looked me in the eyes and told me he was messing with me. she told me that girl he called his cousin was actually his girlfriend. i STILL didn't want to beleive it! i STILL lied to myself and i STILLED ignored God shaking my shoulders and screaming at me to come back! what an idiot i was. there were a couple nights where i begged jake to tell me if he had a girlfriend. he kept saying he didn't. those were the nights that i cried...alot...at work. to make a long story short and to deprive you of all the times i cried to ivan and my boss and to jake....jake eventually quit, i got D's in my classes and jake has never confessed to having a girlfriend during the times that we went on those two dates and ALL the times we flirted at work. yeah. it sounds absolutely STUPID! nothing physically ever happened between me and jake, but i have reason to beleive it has between him and his girlfriend, alot more physical than hugs and that makes me really sad. sad, because i thought he was better than that.

needless to say, i have reason to believe God used this time to push me to my limits. it took alot of tears for me to relize Gods powerful love for me. a love that most certainly can't be filled by any physical relationship, at least a relationship that isn't centered around Christ. jake is in the past and i have only my future to look forwatd to, and now it is looking up! and i am excited to see who God brings into my life! thanks to all of my friends who never stopped caring about me. and yes joy...i went on a couple dates...are you proud of me ;) hahahaah!!!!!

2009-02-16T00:46:00.000-08:00

I feel like i need to explaine alot! All the posts that i posted of school were really depressing and horrible and i said how much i hated school and i wanted out. That is not true. The Lord used those trying months in some intense ways and it took stepping outside of school and work and my relationships to actually understand why He put me through what He did. Let me explaine. I walked into school thinking it would be a breeze working full-time and taking ten credits. But ten credits at Multnomah are not the same as ten credits at CCC. I found that out the hard way. I also had to endure extra stress from my job, by getting promoted and having to re-evaluate some "friends" i had made. all this to say i relized 1) i don't want to work where i am right now God has bigger and better plans for me. 2) i DO want to get married. i tried to imagine what my life overseas would be like by myself, and i got really scared. :) and 3) i miss school so much. i really started to get to know some people just before it let out, i finally got comfortable with the routine...and now i really want to go back and finish! so yeah. God worked big things in me. there were several times where i was completely broken. but you only become stronger. and thats what i did. i am so ready for Nepal!

2009-02-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

There is a picture of me and my aunt. she is an amazing woman of God. she loves the Lord. I only wish her kids could see Christ in her. Their hearts are so hard. how is it possible that two people who live with someone their whole lives and see that persons devotion to Christ...and even show signs of themselves beleiving...choose to not beleive in Christ in the end. How is that POSSIBLE! i don't know. i love my cousins alot. and i don't want to see them where they will end up if they don't choose Christ over their selfish life-styles. Hell. some days i just want to grab a friend and drive to downtown portland to find Joey, see how he's doing. He is living in a shelter and last time me and my aunt "randomly" (because it was obviously the Lord who showed us where he was...) found him he seemed to be high. we got him subway and he seemed really uncomfortable. he had a friend with him. i dont remember her name. we got them two sandwiches and they pretty much ate and ran. Joey is also gay. it just makes me really sad to think about...

then there is Jessie. she says she is a beleiver, but thats hard to beleive by the way she lives her life. i don't know the full de-tails, just what her mom tells me. she party's , she was living with her boyfriend, she dropped out of college because of her partying and all sorts of other factors. it just makes me sick, thinking of he hypocrisy.

and my heart tears for my aunt. she tried so hard to raise good kids all by herself. with a flakey ex-husband who refuses to pay child support and never saw his kids. man. it just makes me so mad.

i don't know why i even am talking about this. i wasn't planning on it. i just saw a picture of my aunt and just thought of them. I know God will be just in their lives. i will just continue to pray and hopefully get the opportunity to see them and talk to them.

on a happier note! 28 days till i leave for Nepal! i am so excited! i pretty much have all my finacial stuff taken care of. i bought a new camera the other day so i am excited to get to use it. ooo my i am so excited! and i have all my prayer partners plus MORE! thank you all of you who will prayefully support me! i couldn't do it without you! i can't wait till the day comes when i step foot off of that plane and smell the "Nepali" air. Indescribable. :)

so i just barely passes all of my classes at school. i got mostly d's with one "pass" i am not on accademic probation, which means i HAVE to get my GPA up by the next semester or...i am not sure what will happen. it's kindof stressful, but i know it was in an odd way, a good experience. i now know what to expect and i can save up all summer then get a new job when fall term starts up again. a job that is less resposibilty so i can put all my mind into school. i know i can do it! i CAN!!!! and i WILL!!!! i PRAY and HOPE that this is what the Lord wants for me. it feels right! we will see as this new year progresses.

2008-11-03T00:04:00.000-08:00

one of the most emotionally draining days i have ever had, was a few days ago. i had been so depressed over school. i knew that when i got off work that i would have to stay up till 4 the next morning working on a project due that day...for a class i will probably fail...but i did the project anyways. so i was a bit bummed, plus i forgot my phone at work and my food card as well so i was hungry. when i got to work, bob my boss called me into the office. *dread seeped down my spine* recap on the night before.

...inez the other PIC who was going to close the store with me, was really sick so she said she really needed to go home. and she really did. she looked like a zombie. so she left, i was by myself. alone. unexperienced. and lo-and-behold...HELL breaks loose about an hour after inez leaves. the store got slammed with customers. a checker never showed up and so i only had like 4 checkers. in the midts of being slammed or...in customer terms...'every checkstand was full and the lines were backing up into the aisles..." DAVID! decides to get his FREAKING TILL JAMMED!!! what caused his till to jam? a bottle cap that he "absentmindedly" shoved under his till because he didn't know where else to put it. so, i am helping customers...trying to get people out as quickly as i can and get the store under control and David is FREAKING out! literally, i though he was going to have a melt down. so...by the grace of God...one of the most annoying customers ever comes through my line. this old man is notorious for taking like 20 minutes to write a check...and this bought me enough time to run up to the office, grab a screwdriver and run back down (he was still writing the check oblivious that i had even left...) i then spent about five minutes trying to pry the till open, david freaking out behind me, jake leaving his lunch to come down and check even though i didn't ask him to, and customers getting mad that david wasn't checking in his jammed till. GOSH! so i made david check in my till why i tried to figure out what i should do...then jake came up. my hero! and after another 5 minutes popped the till open. and david could go back to his till...and by then...it slowed down considerably. on top of that...jake got his 400$ phone stolen, and he was blaming it on david...and he was in a "pity me...i hate my life" mood and he didn't want to work. so when he went back to lunch he took and extra 15 minutes...and James...another checker, told me that jake was late in getting off of his lunch and when james went on his lunch he took and extra 10 minutes...just to be "spiteful". and i really had no idea what to say to either of them. so i just let it slip. nothing got done that night. i did one little thing. when it came time to close i couldn't balance the safe, so i called inez...and she came down to the store, half dead...and balanced the safe for me. ooooo...it was such a horrible night.

sooo. all that said, bob called me into his office the next day, and i knew he wanted to talk to me about that night. i had already been on the verge of tears all day so as i slowly climbed the stairs, i could feel them welling up in my eyes and i knew...there was no way i was going to be able to hold them back.

i stepped into the office, bob said have a seat, so i sat, and he grabbed some papers started sorting them and said "so, tell me about last night." he didn't look at me. i just kindof said..."uuuuuuu....." and then he said lets go into the inner office so we don't get interrupted..." so i walked into the office...tears already pouring down. bob didn't see till he came in behind me, closed the door and turned to face me. he seemed a little shocked and he said "WHAT'S WRONG!!!!" and alls i could say was "sorry i'm crying..." hahaha...wow. i am lame. so for litteraly over an hour we sat in the office...and i cried the whole time. starting from the beginning of the day i told him everything that happened. my eyes were burning. i would control myself for a little bit..then bob would say something that would trigger more crying, like "your doing a great job really!" or "how did you handle jake and james?" ugh! after that dreadful meeting i ran to the bathroom. made my face look somewhat decent and i told myself i'd tell people i was getting sick if they asked about my eyes. then i ran around and tried to work hard. i went into the backroom and inez was there. she took one look at me and she said "you've been crying. what's wrong?" well...good job carina for making yourself look like you were ok! alot of good that did!!!! aaaah! so of course what do i do? i start crying again hahaha! and inez gave me a nice pep talk and told me not to let people walk all over me. gosh. i was so drained after that. i'm glad inez was there that day, and that she stayed!

and then...i went to school and stayed up till 4:30 am painting then i had to get up three hours later for class...and then after class...i took a 2 hour nap and then went back to work. oh boy! i was so exhausted. i just wanted to DIE!

2008-10-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

so i sortof hate being a PIC. i don't have what it takes to be a manager. everyone tells me "yeah! it's a good opportunity, take it!" or "your doing great as a manager!" but i know i'm not. there are a few employees that i just can't stand bossing around, because i've gotten so close to them, even though they are so lazy and they don't work hard. then there are a few employees who really intimidate me, especially when they get an attitude. and yeah, i pretty much am the most pathetic PIC ever. i'm contemplating giving up the position so i will be less stressed. i hate it when i'm stressed out. i snap at people i don't mean to. and i get annoyed really easily.

anyways, onto school. i beleive i might just barely pass english, i am probably going to fail Pentateuch, and spiritual life i will probably pass, and World Christianity i will, God-willing, pass.

*sigh* i cannot wait for school to be over!

2008-10-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

so here is a paper i wrote after listening to a lecture by Domoni Pothin. i liked what i wrote and decided to share with you...

The World Around

When Domoni was beginning her talk on prayer, I knew it was going to be eye opening. Especially after she made everyone who was chewing gum, to spit it out. Whoever would have been distracted by someone sitting next to them, to move. And whoever had a drink by them, to move it away. I thought it was so cool how she made us stand when she prayed, it made me feel like I was having a deeper respect for God.
She made me think about why I pray by asking a question.“Why do we pray? To feel good? To control God?” and that is so true. So many of us pray out of pure selfishness for our own desires. We think God will obey our every request and when He doesn't we get angry and then begin questioning whether or not He cares. But God is not a being that we can control. I realized how much bigger He is, just by contemplating my habitual “Give me, Give me!” attitude. God gives us so much, in such small, unseen ways, it would probably boggle our minds to understand the vastness of His generosity. Every breath I take, every hug I get from someone I love, even every tantalizing smell I enjoy is really from God. So if I spent more time glorifying and thanking my Father for all the amazing gifts He's given me, how much more fulfilling would my life feel? I wouldn't be spending all my time shaking my fist at God for all the pointless things I've asked for. Instead I could look at what He already has given me in pure enjoyment and have that joy flood my life.
How many times have I prayed a “thankful” prayer that really were just words in my mind and nothing else? How many times have I shaken my fists at God in despair, because He wouldn't grant me my selfish wants and “needs”? I pray, quite literally, that He would allow me to be more thankful in a deeper sense. To look at the world around me and see each beautiful thing as an answer to prayer. God is so amazing and I can learn so much about Him through those blessed moments.

i almost failed this class because i forgot the paper had to be turned in the day i decided to catch up on sleep and skip class. i was so stupid.

2008-10-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

so yesterday was my first OFFICIAL day of being a PIC. it was quite exciting. i got to close the store up, not by myself, but with Cindy (who is pretty much Co-Owner...) she was just doing random stuff, and i hardly saw her. i hadn't even started working and she came up to me and said "Carina, there are some things you need to address to one of the Checkers. he can't have pop in the checkstand, he needs to take his earing out and he doesn't have a nametag!" well, my stomache pretty much dropped. i knew i wouldn't be able to go up to this guy...who used to be "equal" to me, and now boss him around. and i had no idea what to say, so i ran up to the manager Bon and told him what cindy had told me. he was really nice and said "lets both go up to the office and we'll both talk to him." so we did, and bob did all of the talking, i just kind of sat there looking retarded. oh well. you can only learn by experience. after that it was all really easy. i got the nerve up later that night, to ask the courtesy to mop up this gross collection of dirt that had been at the end of aisle 8 for quite a while. and i couldn't figure out how to balance the safe so Cindy did that while i counted out the lottery and my till. it was all quite exciting. and when it came time for me to put my code to lock the store up, the code that bob gave me didn't work, and cindy didn't have one, and bob didn't answer his phone...so we just left it unlocked. this doesn't mean you can go and break into thriftway. that problem has been fixed lol :)

so anyways. last night some girl, who i still have yet to meet, slept in our room. she was here to see the school and stay on campus. and by the time i got off of work, she was asleep. and she left before i got up. sortof like what Me and Hannah do hahaha. last night i set my alarm to get up at 7ish, so i could make it to my dreded English Comp class, and i forgot to make it 7am! so...i woke up at 7:59 and my class was at 8...so i laid there for a few minutes dazed and wondering what i should do and i just fell back to sleep. hannah woke me up half an hour later and said "hey, you have class in half an hour..." and i mumbled..."i had class half an hour ago...." thus began my day today. i'm sortof glad i missed that class. i wasn't prepared. and none of my classmates in that class asked me where i was in my pentateuch class. it must not have been to tramatic not having me there...

well, my day will consist of a little homwork, and then i will go see alissa and get some laundry done at home. man, i love the weekends.

2008-10-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

Hurray! i officially became a PIC (Person In Charge) today. that means i'm the boss of quite a few people. and i'm a tad bit nervous. i hope i can become a good leader, and hopefully this will help me grow...in as many ways as God will allow. this also means i'll be getting a nice raise, and more responsibility.

anyways, i'm again procrastinating and i am not studying for that Pentateuch quiz i have tomorrow. drats! :) i best be off. peace!

2008-10-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

ok. it's time to talk about my room mate. her name is Hannah Mihalsky. she just turned 25 and i sadly had to miss her birthday party, due to work. the first night i met her, i creeped her out. she made a comment to crystal, my little sis, that if i fell off of my top bunk that they would have to pick up my pieces. i of course, imagined all my bloody body parts strewn all over the floor. i mean, come on, wouldn't you think that? well, i said "OH that's gross..." and she gave me this look like "your so morbid, how could you let yourself think like that?" hahahha, it was pretty funny. it was then in that moment that i knew me and hannah would have an interesting relationship. later that night, i was on my top bunk, swinging my legs over the side, to get off, and there is this ceiling fan, pretty much eye level with me. and i randomly mumbled, mainly to myself, "wow, that would hurt if that sliced into my face!" again, hannah just looked at me with a horrified expression. ther have been several similar moments, many i can't think of, where i would say things, that to me, are a normal way of thinking. she's just "sheltered" in a different way than me. oh well,. she's cool.

2008-10-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

well. i ended up staying up till three the other day at school. i was supposed to read about 60 chapters in the book of Genesis for two pentateuch quizes the next day (becasue i skipped the quiz the week before i had to do two quizes...) and i got about half way through the second quizes reading when i decided to take a twenty minute nap. and hannah, my roommate who also was going to stay up all night, decided to grab my camera and take pictures of me whilst i was asleep with my Bible in my lap. well, after i woke up i could barely keep my eyes open, so i just went to bed and lived by faith the next day. i hope i did good on those quizes :)

mid semester break has been so refeshing. even though i've had to work half the time. the first day that i had off, i didn't have to work. and i just did nothing. it felt kindof good, to just sit around and watch tv and play video games ;) , but after a few hours i was getting ancy and i wanted to do something constructive, which i didn't.

...

well, i've been distracted by tv once again. see ya

2008-10-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

So, last night, i went back and read a ton of my original blogs. (sadly, i had erased my very firts blog. that would have been awesome to read...) but i was reading my old posts, and wow, i wrote really funny. it annoys me, reading how i wrote. i wonder if i still write like that. i hope not. i was surprised that people actually read my blog back then. oh well. anyways, i have to read a short story by Jorge Borges. he writes such weird, intense short stories. and i have no idea how to understand them. we have to discuss the stories in class, and i never have anything constructive to say. i will probably fail the class because of that. anyways. work was good today. it was one of those days where i got alot done, but i didn't get alot done. have you ever had a day like that? where you feel so accomlished but in that very moment you could have done so much more.

so there is this new kid in the store, His name is David, and he is already annoying me. there is also this other new deli guy and he is already annying me. man, i have changed so much since working at Tway. things used to never bother me. i could see people for the beautiful person that they are, how God created them, and how He loves them. but now, i can see through that and nit-pick at all of their faults. i grasp on to there quirky annoyingness and leave out there "goodness" if you can say that. i need to work on my additude. well, i muct go do work. i'm gonna try to stay up really late. wish me luck. :)

2008-10-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

Last night was a night of procrastination. i hope the last! i have to go to work, i just realized, so this post will be short and sweet. see you later!

2008-10-07T00:31:00.000-07:00

So here is my first ajor paper that i've written for college. it's a little entertaining so i figured i could get away with posting. enjoy...and i know, there are a few major mistakes. i prayed that my teacher wouldn;t notice, lol.

I'm sitting on a Boeing 747, the lights are dim, it's around midnight. All around me are people. There is the occasional cough or sneeze, and a few seats down is some little kid, screaming, because his ears couldn't adjust to the ascent. Somewhere someone would strike up a conversation with the stranger beside him, whispering would ensue, until they each ran out of small talk, then they would delve back into their small worlds of airplane boredom. Small creaks and groans from the planes exterior make it seem like it wants to tear apart. Soon the whirring of the two monstrous engines on either side of me become a throbbing background noise and my nerves get accustomed to the turbulence. The seats are dark blue, semi-cushioned. When I first sat in them, I thought “wow, this isn't so bad.” but as the hours waned by and my body craved to be stretched I was wishing that they made soft beds that I could stretch out on. Every now and then a stewardess would silently float by, observing the passengers, making sure we were all comfortable and had everything we needed. There was always the person who would lose their pillow or blanket or the mom who wanted a glass of water for her kids and a set of headphones for herself.
On the back of the seat in front of me is a screen, on which I can watch movies, or choose to listen to music. Jazz, Classical, rock or even contemporary Indian music, for I was on an AirIndia flight. There is also an option where you can see where you are on a map. The screen flashes every minute, and each time there is new information. Such as the plane's altitude, the temperature outside, the distance to the destination and from the port of origin. This would also appear in several languages, and then a map would pop up showing exactly where you were, and the countries all around. On my particular map, we were flying to Canada from New Dheli, India. And before that my friends and I had been trekking around Nepal.
A week into our trip I had gotten really sick, and as my friends were hiking up a mountain in the morning dew to see the peak of Everest, I was puking on my hotel room floor, and sweating under my covers. I remember vividly, the toilette in the bathroom next to me would sputter erratically, and people would walk by all the time, to use probably what was the only western toilette. And as they walked by my room, it would be so loud and the walls were paper thin, it would jolt me from my fitful sleep. We had been in a small village visiting some believers and enjoying the crisp air and panoramic views of the endless rolling mountains. As far as you could see, lush peaks that stood out against a brilliant blue sky. Oh how I wished that I had not been sick, so I could see the Himalayas. Unfortunately was bed ridden and the next day we were flying out to Katmandu. In the “Kat” is when my sickness progressively got worse. The upset stomach was replaced by an intense burning and swelling in my throat and by the second day I had lost my voice completely. I could hardly eat, and I grew weaker each day. Three days passed, and we finally were in the Nepali airport ready to head back to India, where we would stay the day in another hotel and then fly out late that night for America. All this to say, my sickness didn't allow me to get much sleep, and as I sat on the airplane, I was suffering from extreme fatigue, and still quite sick, with nothing to do but stare at the map in front of me. I read each bit of information with mild interest, as each screen flashed in sync, over and over again. “Time till destination...9 hours 48 minutes.” more details. “time till destination...9 hours 43 minutes”. More details “Time till destination...9 hours 42 minutes”. I stared at the screen for about twenty minutes, till my eyes felt like they would bleed, all the while people around me were either asleep or engaged in some similar bored entrapment. I then decided to see what movies were being played. I scanned the list of Bollywood movies, and classic American movies, then a new movie which had just recently come out caught my attention. “Sweeney Todd” with Johny Depp, a very morbid musical. I decided to watch it, my mind was already numb from fatigue. I slipped on the headphones and slumped in my chair as the vivid pictures engrossed my head. The first few minutes that I watched, were haunting. The main character was falsely accused of a crime, and was put in prison. His wife was then taken by the very man who falsely accused him along with their new baby. When the man gets out of prison he finds that his wife had killed herself and in revenge he opens a barber shop and slowly kills off the people who come into his shop. Only after about five minutes into the movie, I fell asleep, with the noise filtered in my mind through the headphones. I then had the most intense and eerie dream, vivid in color and fast. I heard all the words of the movie, and they played off my dream, and I remember my heart racing each moment getting faster and faster. I remember the intense confusion even while I was asleep.
When I awoke, the plane seemed void of everyone around me. My mind came to a standstill and what voices I could hear around me were incoherent. I felt my clothes sticking to my body and a cold chill made me shudder. The screen in front of me displayed the ending titles and credits to the movie and I then realized I had slept through it all. I was so disoriented and confused. I couldn't understand what had happened in the movie that gave me such an intense sensation. I sat there in a daze, my heart still racing, and it took me about five minutes to get my mind focused on the people sitting next to me. What was in that movie that made me so disoriented? Little gruesome images would flicker in my mind and make my stomach churn and it was then that I decided that a mixture of fatigue, sickness and falling asleep to a morbid movie can make a person feel disoriented and void of thought.
I then decided to ease my mind of its turmoil. I read a little of this book my friend let me borrow, but soon my eyes began to ache from my fatigue. So I decided to lounge back and listen to some soothing classical music. The hours were then filled with various other boring activities, and I nodded off a few times, until finally we were flying over Portland, Oregon. I felt my heart quicken a pace, and the excitement of landing on America soil caused me to breath heavy with anticipation. I felt the plane make a sudden drop, and my stomach twinged inside of me. Minute after minute I waited for the jolt of speed as the plane hits the runway and speeds to it's final destination. When the wheels touched ground the plane vibrated and shook and there was a loud whirring sound that I could never figure out. I was shivering with excitement and the thought of the unpleasant dream and disorientation seemed distant. The plane taxied to the entrance and stopped abruptly. I heard the common ding as the flashing seatbelt sign turned off and everyone immediately scrambled to grab their luggage. The passengers began filtering out of the cramped environment, and as I finally stepped off the plane there was an intense, refreshing rush of cold air that hit my face and cause me to shiver. The cool temperature washed away the groggy symptoms of my sickness and it invigorated me. I was uncertain of the time due to the time-zone changes, but judging by the sun just coming over the horizon, I knew it was early morning. My mind was focused on seeing my family and saying goodbye to my friends. And as we walked through PDX the memories of that movie edged back into the recesses of my mind.

2008-10-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

so today i got to hang out with joy. it was something that i desperately needed for my mental health :) so thank you joy.

sushi was also good. i had been getting tired of the cafateria food.

so, i'm at home for the weekend, having a well needed rest from campus life. i won't feel so clostrophobic and surrounded by so many people i don't know. i was going through a bunch of old journals and art sketch books. i'm 1) amazed at how horrible of an artist i was and how i've slowly progressed throughout the years and 2) i was so on-fire for Christ when i was 18. it seems so long ago and distant. Although my understanding of God and His word have gotten stronger, i feel like i am not as close as i once was all those years ago. I had such an intense thirst to grow in my relationship with Him and now it feels stagnant. i know i want that to change, i know i want that deep feeling of "wanting to grow". i just pray that that will soon come. i need to get out of my "I'm to lazy" mind-set and focus on Christ. i had written so many long passages of the Bible in so many of my journals. i was so into the word and wanting to understand it. God rocks and i knew it then, and i know it now. so anyways. I love God and i want that intense feeling again. i don't want to lose that ZEAL.

so onto other random stuff...
i will blog about my first "date" :) (mainly because i would like to remember everything that happened, just in case i forget in the future. hahaha)
well, there is this guy at work, his name is Jake, and i like him. it was sortof a slow process. i thought he was attractive, but we never talked. then one day we had lunch at the same time and we were talking and i asked if he beleived in God (i do that randomly to alot of my c-workers...) and he said he did, and i then asked if he beleived in Jesus...because it was only through Christ that we could get to the father (it actually didn't come out like that...not so theological...) and he laughed and said "yah. i like you" (as a friend...) then we talked more. and he always wanted to hug me hahahah....and i just slowly started liking him. ANYWAYS!!!! all this to say...we ended up through quite awkward moments, saying that we liked each other, and that was that. one day i was on an aisle with Inez and Ivan, and inez said she wanted to go to wongs kings. and we all ended up deciding to go together. i really wanted to invite jake but i figured he would make up an excuse...so i told ivan to ask him. and so jake was invited. and as the day approached i realized...this might be my first date. so i got really nervouse and i didn't know how to act or what to say. well...i'll skip the boring details. me and alissa (who i invited for moral support) arrived first. then inez came and she brought her daughter and her friend (wich made the evening THAT MUCH MORE AWKWARD) then jake and ivan showed up and jake looked nice...hahaha, i only say that because he likes to make a statement i think. he's really into fashion. i really tried not to look at him to much, and as i was ordering i completely lost my appetite from me being so nervouse. so when the food came i probably took like five bites. i don't really remeber the conversation, except jake randomly looked at me and said "the condoms that you ordered for your department came and I! had to put them away...." that was really funny. and it went vulgar really fast...but i don't recall what was said. anyways. jake ended up paying for EVERYONE! i don't know if he was trying to impress me or if he was just trying to pay for just us and the waitress did everyone and he was to proud to make her change it. i don't know. but we were done eating and we all stood awkwardly in the lobby of Wongs and i still don't know why we were waiting around. but i decided to step out of my comfort zone and initiate the HUG with jake. (he usually is the one who runs up to me and hugs me...) then after that momentous hug ivan asked if me and alissa wanted to go see a movie with him jake and ivans girlfriend. i really wanted to but i left it up to alissa, and i think she could tell that i wanted to so she said yes (bless her heart! hahahaha!!!!) so we left. inez went home. and i drove alissa and jake went with ivan. well. we got to the theaters and finally got in and were sitting down. and i just remember enjoying sitting next to him. and every once in a while during the movie he'd lean over and say something to me. and i kept thinking "what would i do if he tried to hold my hand? would i let him...? probably...maybe...maybe not...!" he never tried though hahah. and jake always smells really nice (i can't beleive i just said that...but it's true) anyways it was nice. and i also enjoyed watching alissa get scared over action scenes. hahaha. well, we got out of the theater and i gave jake another hug, said goodbye, and we were off. it was a really fun night, even though i felt nautious with nervousness half the night. that is what happened. and i'm going to press the "post" button before i delete this and my memories forever!

2008-09-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

so i am going to vent. right here, right now. i absolutely hate school, this is not where i should be. my body wasn't meant to be around so many people at one time. each day makes me feel more clostrophobic and i feel like my heart is going to be torn from my chest. Graphic i know, but there have been just so many days where i just wanted to sit down and cry. in fact, this last week i did. i had just got denied to EAT! because i had accidentaly left my id card at home, so i couldn't eat the food that i was FREAKING!!! (YES FREAKING!!!!) PAYING FOR! and as i turned away from the guy who was saying..."i'm sorry, i need your card" i just started to cry. and i hate it when people see me cry, so i ran off campus as discreetly as i could and walked to this park that was just a second away, and i sat at a bench and just cried for like 20 minutes. it wasn't that i couldn't eat. the guy was nice, somewhat, it wasn't that. it was the constant feeling of lonliness, not knowing anyone yet having so many people around me. it was the constant stress of not being able to pay for college. it was the constant...worry. the stress of 40 hours of work and almost full time college! it was just waying so heavily on me. needless to say, i felt so much better after that little crying spell. sometimes the Lord just takes us to a spot where we need to be broken, and i really had never felt that before. it makes the Love of Christ that much more beautiful and in a way more tangible. I always knew in my heart that God loves me. but after that moment, it was like i could almost really feel it. maybe a grain of heavan. who knows. but i really feel like Bible College isn't for me. I love learning about the Lord, and serving Him. but i think this isn't the place for me to fo it. i miss my friends, and my family. and i'm just so stressed out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!

ok. thanks blogger for letting me vent. your almost like a diary, except now everyone knows what i'm dealing with. Peace out all of you faithful readers of my blog.

2008-08-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow i work, then the next day i start classes. I'm really excited!

2008-08-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

well. it's been a few busy weeks, but let me just say! i love God and i'm ready to know more about Him...

i moved into my dorm this week at Multnomah!!!! i actually ran into a lady who was a huge! impact on my spiritual growth when i was a teen. Laura from TCL. it was really good to see her. she just happened to start coming here also.

so about last night. I got off work, all tired but ready. I had already packed my car full of clothes and stuff, so i just drove to the school.hen i got there everyone was already eating dessert and mingling so i felt really out of place. i didn't know where to go or who to talk to. so i just wandered around and decided to find my dorm. well, i forgot the room # and my roommates # so i just wandered around until i got the courage to ask some random girl how i was supposed to find my room is i didn't know the #. so she wandered around with me and of course there were names on all the doors, and after about 10 minutes we finally found my room! and lucky for me, i'm in a room full of seniors and we have these cool new remodeled rooms. they have this nice sitting room in the center, than two rooms branch off of it on either side. and me and my roommate Hannah have one room and this girl named Julia and ....someone else (who hasn't come yet) has the other room. so we have four total. PLUS!!! as you may have noticed, i have free WI-FI in my room and throughout the campus!!! so i'm really excited about that. anyways. when i ended up in my room and i met the two girls it all sort of hit me that this was where i would be living for a long time. i was never really scared. it just got really exciting, and a bit awkward because i've never really shared a room with a girl about the same age as me. so hopefully the Lord will try me in new and different ways. Hannah is really nice. we have similarity's and differences. i'm excited to get to know a bunch of new people.

today we took and Entrance exam for new studants to see where we are Biblically. and i pretty much failed. i hope i get to know all the stuff on that test. wich i probably will. i'm really excited about that.

well. be praying for me. financial stuff is the only thing i'm really stressed about.

see you all later!

2008-08-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

wow. it's been so long since i've posted. it's time to dust off this old blog page and update myself. letsee. i've been traveling recently. went to Nepal. it was quite a trip and i should blog about it sometime. i'm going to be going to multnomah the end of this month. i'm really stressed about finances. i got a puppy. his name is gizmo. he is a cuttie. all my friends are trying to set me up with different guys, but i would rather the guy come to me. it just seems better that way.
i was transferred to mollola thriftway so i'm working there. it's alot of fun. alot of different people i've been getting to know. i should get some cool pictures up here. that'd be great. i went to counsel high school camp a few weeks ago with my church. ot was really fun. and a little challenging. joy and emily, my to good friends are both pregnant. so that's really exciting. i'm learning all about babies through them. i'm going to a homegroup in scott and becky's house now. it's alot of fun. and........yah. i can't think of much more.

2008-02-19T16:45:00.001-08:00

Estacada First Baptist Highschool Winter Retreat

Good Times I say!
Ok. Recap on my Favorite moments.

1) Yelling at Allissa to stop hitting ping pong balls at the boys.
2) Emily and Mrs. Commisioner.
3) The Beautiful views.
4) The really cold snow, and the fact that I had snow shoes.
5) Fellowship with other strong beleivers. I haven't done that in forever and I had been feeling Gravity sink in.
6) God! (should've been #)
7) Cleaning the Kitchen with all the girls.
8) Watching Jake get his exploder stuck in the snow.
9) Getting to know some really cool kids, that were just aquaintances, but now really good friends.
10) Last but not least, the spiritual growth of everyone there including me!

It was awesome. and Apparently my spiritual gift is Shepharding. Ahahah! and a bunch of other stuff. I'm excited to see if this is true. :)

anyways. God is amazing and He is helping me crawl out of the deep pit of "almost Luke-warmness..." if it weren't for my constant awareness and the feeling of urgency to get out. if that makes any sense. i Know the main reason for me having a hard time focusing on God is the lack of contact with Fellow Belivers. But slowly that will change. anyways. the retreat did it's duty. It helped me refocus on God and my friends. and it gave me a nice break from work. ahhhh, it was nice.

2008-02-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

So, how many of you fellow Christians beleive it's ok to do Yoga, if your not doing the Hindu stuff that goes along with it? how many of you even know that Yoga is from a Hindu religion?
let me ask you a question.
If you decided to do yoga, but you told yourself, "I'm going to pray before, during and after the session, so that i can't be spiritually weak during the session. And I will not do anything that blatantly is Biblically incorrect." Do you think that's ok? Is it ok for Christians to do Yoga?

2008-02-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

Good evening. It's been quite a while since i've spilled my intestines upon this nice screen. How has my audience been? Good? Wow. with my absence, your GOOD!

anyways. enough talking to myself.

I must say God keeps proving Himself to me. eveytime i give a little hint of doubt He always shows up subtly at first and if i fail to listen to the subtle attemp, He shoves Himself into my life making Himself powerfully known and ready and willing to use those doubtful moments as a learning tool. Like a really smart teacher who knows every aspect of His students life and He knows how that student coupes and learns. It's Awesome. I read in the book of Collossians the other day...and man. How come i never remember being so excited to read about Christ. It's like starting over and breathing for the first time. I find that instead of reading of Christ's life i want to hear how everyone else perceived Him. Like paul and peter. How they saw Him and what they know. Colossians and Hebrews. and Phillipians. My all time favorite books of the Bible at this point in my life.

so. yes. Thanks God.

2007-04-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

Let's see. I got several book ofline. all of them Really awesome and POWERFUL. Jesus Freaks and Voice of the Martyr's and all the other books centered around persecuted Christians. People with faith so strong they sacrifice the life of this world and gain glory for God in Heavan by giving up there lives, and the comfort of "no pain". An 18 year old boy was killed by having his stomach sliced opened in 1999 in some country, (sorry forgot where) all because he wouldn't deny Christ to these radical Muslims. His parents found him a few days later. Story after story. detail after detail of my Brothers and Sisters who i will only meet in God's Glory in Heavan. I can't wait. i have another book called Hearts of Fire. it's an awesome book about 8 different women who were persecuted for there faith. each story is awesome! i suggest you read it.

anyways. it's been a few weeks after india. God was really speaking to me the few weeks before we left. I remembered this one time when i was younger, like 8, just after i made the decision to truly beleive that Christ died for me and that i'd follow Him the rest of my life. a man came to our church and he had just come from Africa. he had slides and he talked about his trip. and i remember becoming so excited. i prayed that the ord would make me a Missionary. i wanted to serve God in that way. and i was really passionate about that. about a day later i had completely forgotten all about that. i was off running through forests building forts with my brother. but just about a month ago it just randomly popped back in my head all of my conviction and passion i had felt that day in Clackamas Bible Curch. and it was as if God were telling me, "I heard you and i didn't forget. Look at the opportunity before you. Take it." and i did. Three times now the Lord has granted me to go to India. i don't know if He's preparing me for a much bigger task. i don't know if He's preparing me for something other than Missions. alls i know, is right now, i have a deep passion for missions. and i need to take that up and go with it...

what now...

2007-04-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

LAST NIGHT. OR EARLY THIS MORNING. DEPENDING ON HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT...I WATCHED THIS DOCUMENTARY ON OPB. it was really interesting.it was about this group of people called the Shakers. and at first i was drawn in by there service to God and there devotion to Him. every morning they would get up early and start with chores and keep working throughout the day. they had there own production and they sold all of there crafts from seeds to food to there inventions. and they considered there labor as worship to God. there everyday tasks were used to worship God. when the women did laundry or cooked it was for God and when the men fed the animals and cleaned stalls and planted crops, it was for God. and it all seemed 100% pure and true. and it just seemed so unreal. how could a group of people live there life for God in such a way. i think they also held a strick code of Celebacy. and every afternoon and evening they'd gather together to worship God and study His word and for another half hour they meditated alone in there room. wow. such devotion. then i went online and researched them further and lo and behold...it was tainted. it seems the Shakers fallowed a Woman named Mother Ann who claimed she had a vision and was the Second Coming of Christ "As radicals, all the members were harrassed, including a young married woman named Ann Lee. Fervent from a young age, Ann had a revelation during a long imprisonment that she was the Second Coming of Christ, the vital female component of God the Father-Mother " that ruined it for me. (keep in mind this all happened in the 1700'ds.)
Oh well. such is this world. it was still fascinating.

2007-04-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

aaah...what a Pleasure to be home. the first time EVER that i've had Culture shock was the same day i got back. i walked into Thriftway and expected all the food to be covered in flies and half of it to be rotten. it was surprising....but i got over it. i had jetlagg till about 1:30 pm today then it all just stopped. all in all, india was awesome. here are some of the really exciting things that happened. (while it's fresh in my memory)

Traveling was Horrible. too and from Rokeby. ok, horrible was a harsh word...Grueling. we were on 4 planes each way. the 8 hour layover at Canada Airport was INSANE. all of us college kids...Kyle, Bryce, Mallory and I along with Mellony, played card games on a small table in the sitting area of starbucks for at leaste 3 hours and after that...our imagination sored, i still can't remember what we did. we got into Dheli at like 8 pm and drove to Rokeby and got there at around 3:30 am to everyone asleep and the house locked. so tim went and somehow woke up one of the workers and he came and let us in. that was exciting.

the orphanage went really good. everyday was really fun and exauhsting. running around @ 8000 feet above sea level is a grueling and fatiging thing to go through. you sprint for three feet and your our of breath for ten minutes, no joke. but it was all worth it. Bryce was the expert in the Tibetan language. he could count to like 20 in Tibetan. me and mallory tried...and we got to ten, but i forgot most of it except for 1,2 and 3. Teek, Ne, Suum. or something like that. A little five year old boy names Docha Tesin helped me and mallory count to Ten. He was sweet.

one day Brent made reservations at this Hotel's restaurant. it was so nice...pretty much a five course meal. (i personally didn't like the food, but everyone else did.) and after the meal they opened up this parlor room that had all these stuffed Tigers and Leapords and all this antique furniture and paintings. it was really awesome. I think i got the guy on video talking about the time when he shot the largest Tiger in the room. so amazing!

we went to the Hieshies and hung out with them for half the day. Joseph had to go early but Isaac went with us to these Tibetan places and then we had lunch with him at a Tibetan resaurant. after he left we went back to this Tibetan area so all the "New" people could see the Tibetan women wave rugs, but that was closed. and brent wanted to get into the Tibetan store...thing...but that was closed...but. Brent was determined so he wandered around the area for a few minutes to find someone to open it, and all the while this Hindu Beggar was pestering us for money. finally brent got someone and we went in and bought stuff and on our way to the taxi Jerry gave her some coins.

that's a few exciting things that happened. there are some things that will stay only in india and in my mind. but i'll share the most exciting things, like a Geko crawling up Tims leg and Mellony being really sad everytime a Sick dog with Tumors walked past us and Mallory's neverending energy and Kyle and Bryce taking some crazy sleeping pill on the plane ride home that none of us knew what it was and bryce had bought at some random Chemist in Dheli and me almost losing my tickettes and Brent embarrasing himself on the Indian Max train and Jerry playing his Ipod really loud so we could hear this really awesome and the guy in the other room getting mad at us and watching Lanelle get this Asian accent everytime she talked to an asian. man. good times.

if you have any questions feel free to ask. no...i didn't fall in love with any of the guys on the trip or with any crazy indian guy.

2007-03-31T07:45:00.000-07:00

okee dokee. one and only time i'll ever blog in india.

my most favorite time...getting to know everyone and driving! man...the greatest moments. watching mallory see india for the first time and hearing mellony expound on the horrors of driving.

and the work of God in all of our lives. He works so hard to make us beautiful. He works so hard to show us Pure Love. I've been memorizing a passage in James..i beleive James 3:5-6? about the tongue.

"See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire. and the tongue is a fite the very world of iniquity. the tongues is set among our members as that wich defiles the entire body..." and so on. i can't remember. and Luke 14:27 But whosever doth not bear his cross and follow after me cannot be my desciple. YES! :)

anyways. there are so many things that have happened. the sarcasm that keeps us all on our toes and the kids we meet and spend time with. Bryc's unbeleivable abbility to learn Tibetan and so on! it's all so bottomless. i could go on forever. the food and the neverending supply of Chow Mein at the Canteen. YAY! i can't wait to get back home so i can deal it out in bigger portions. Thanks God for the experience. i want to come back for a much longer stay.

2007-03-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albrecht_Durer

albrecht durer was a really awesome artist! one of my Fav's. i did a nice class report about him once.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burgos_Cathedral

i also like Gothic cathedrals! they're really awesome!

have fun!

2007-03-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

does this sound freakishly close to Bhuudist theology?

"The Christian Science position on the nature of evil can be described as follows:
If there is any evil power in the world, then God cannot possess all power, and is thus not omnipotent. If God is omnipotent, evil does not exist. Christianity is incompatible with a belief in the reality of evil.
To answer the question of whether God punishes evildoers, Christian Scientists would say that the illusion of evil punishes itself. As long as a person continues to act evilly, desires to do so, or does not forgive him/herself or others, suffering will be the result."

i'm not saying it came from Bhuudism. they think alike though. Bhuudist's beleive that everything is not real. it's imagined by us. we are all one. a small drop in the ocean. they beleive that sin is an illusion. wow. so confusing.

i know that this isn't true. they base there faith on the Bible. show me, where in the Bible, it says sin is an illusion and i might consider it. but until then, i'm sticking with God's word and my faith in Jesus Christ.

2007-03-06T10:28:00.000-08:00

Passage Ezekiel 37 :
Ezekiel 37
The Valley of Dry Bones
1 The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2 He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know."
4 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath [a] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.' "
7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.
9 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.
11 Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.' 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.' "

The blue is what i have to memorize for a portion of scripture for india. i'm excited. we leave in about 16 days! the only thing i REALLY need is prayer support. i only have one person praying for me. the Lord has definetely blessed me through finances. so...yah. i can't wait.
see you all, who still read my blog, later!

2007-02-27T11:19:00.000-08:00

A man of God depressed...

What's the spiritual connection with the verse in hebrews and the parahraphs in Ezekial?!

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Hebrews 10:23 NLT
___________________________________________________________________________________________________Ezekiel 3:1-151 And he said to me, "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the house of Israel." 2 So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. 3 Then he said to me, "Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it." So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth. 4 He then said to me: "Son of man, go now to the house of Israel and speak my words to them. 5 You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and difficult language, but to the house of Israel- 6 not to many peoples of obscure speech and difficult language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. 7 But the house of Israel is not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for the whole house of Israel is hardened and obstinate. 8 But I will make you as unyielding and hardened as they are. 9 I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house." 10 And he said to me, "Son of man, listen carefully and take to heart all the words I speak to you. 11 Go now to your countrymen in exile and speak to them. Say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says,' whether they listen or fail to listen." 12 Then the Spirit lifted me up, and I heard behind me a loud rumbling soundMay the glory of the LORD be praised in his dwelling place!- 13 the sound of the wings of the living creatures brushing against each other and the sound of the wheels beside them, a loud rumbling sound. 14 The Spirit then lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with the strong hand of the LORD upon me. 15 I came to the exiles who lived at Tel Abib near the Kebar River. And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven days-overwhelmed.

--- CMT

just want to make you think!!!

2006-12-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 Corinthians 3:18

can i have some serious feedback on this verse. i hear it all the time but i can never understand it...

2006-12-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

my car stinks man!
in order for me to pay for gas at the gas staion i have to hop along the seat until i get to the passengers side, get out the passengers side and walk all the way around the car to pay the man. then i can open my drivers side door and proceed to get back into the car. the window doesn't roll down and the door doesn't open from the inside. alas...the curse is upon me. i always said i loved cars with character. this is a little to much character.

work is great. just in case your wondering. it has it's ups and downs but i enjoy working with the people (some...) and i like my coworkers. the job itself sometimes gets a little repetative. "hi, how are ya today?" *scan...scan...scan...* "have a good day!"...(next customer...same as what i just said...) but then there are the times when it gets exciting. an old woman came in the other day and she had like 60 lottery tickettes. 60!!! it took me like maybe 20 minutes to scan them all. the lady got about 144 dollars. (insane!) then there are the WIC people who save up ALL there WIC checks for the very last day!!! GRRR!!!! ahahahahaha!!!!! it makes me cringe just thinking about it! they bring in like 10 checks and just one check normally takes about 3 minutes. you can imagine the line that builds up behind you! joy...jason...one of those people were in front of you this saturday when you came through my line. how does that make you feel? then there are the sweet old men and women who come through, and you always know they need help out to there car so you call up courtesy, even if it's just a couple bags. and they're always positive and happy. this old guy came in, he was about 80 maybe. and he had this little blue teddy bear. he told me and Jessica a story about when he was younger he always wanted a blue teddy bear. once, when he went to visit his cousin (in a buggy, cause that's all they had back then :) he saw his little cousin had a little blue teddy bear. and he had a brown teddy bear so they decided to trade there teddy bears. but when he went to leave his cousin started to cry so his mom made him give back the blue teddy bear. he only had it for a few days. and so he said how for so many years he was looking for a blue teddy bear and he finally found one the very night over in the post office for 10 dollars. he was such a sweet guy. and he always buys two Huge bags of bird seed and wine and cat food. such a nice guy.

anyways. enough of my ranting...or more like ... ack! i don't know. my talking. have a good day.

2006-11-27T11:51:00.000-08:00

DRATS! i work at 2 p.m. today and i slept in till 11:52! that gives me like only an hour to sprawl out and relax at home. i know! i'll go over to joys! see ya!

2006-11-19T09:43:00.000-08:00

LALALA! i'm trying to hear above my dogs bark. she gets so protective of Crystal. even when my mom just brushes her hair Mocha goes crazy.

alright.
i've been considering college. but before i make a move i need to discuss it with my boss. if i were to go i'd take a buckload of art classes and a basketteball class. so yah. i hope i can at leaste take one class or two art classes. especially the WELDING class!!!! that was so awesome and exciting!

....a while later...

...

...

i just got back from church this morning and i got to see the Longs and there pictures and everything they've done and will continue to do. it was really exciting! i enjoyed it.
keep praying for them. for me, they were just people our church supportes. but now that i've actually seen them and heard them and have been able to see what they're accomplishing, i feel like i can actually pray for them. anyways. i'm off to get a bigger cage for my guinea pig. ttyl.

2006-11-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

I'm always amazed at how many opportunities God gives me to be a witness to people. not the kind of witnessing, like running up to people and physically talking to them about Christ, but the small subtle ways, just them seeing Christ through me. and i would be completely self-conceited to give myself the glory. God is awesome. i just want to thank Him for this crazy gift He's given me. most recently, i got my second paycheck from work...it was about 640$'s.iwas excited, and i thought the bank was closed by the time i got off work so i went through Eddies line and he cashed it for me. now, something in the system makes it impossible to cash a check over 500 dollars, so he had to split my check in half...it was all really confusing. so, it took quite a while for him, and the other head person,to figure out how to do it and we were all just going crazy by the end of it. (sorry if your confused. it's confusing to me...) so, i get my money and leave. when i got to the car my mom told me that the bank was really open! so i decided to cash my money, cause i didn't want to spend it. so we go to the bank and i cash 600$'s and i ended up having like 140$'s left over. which meant Eddy had given me an extra 100 dollars on accident. so i run over there again! and i had to call eddy back up to the front and Jenny who had helped him cash my check earlier. and we got it all figured out. strange as it is, the news of "what i did" spread throughout all the employees. even my boss. and i had a couple of people come up to me and ask me why i did it. why was i so honest. it was a whole hundred dollars. Bill, a courtesy guy, was saying how he probably wouldn't have done that, and how he was amazed that i did. he said it was good. isn't that amazing. God really turned that whole situation to His glory, no matter how subtle it may have been. these people seem to have a different outlook on me. Christ is shining through me. and it feels good. He's been giving me alot of opportunities to pray for my coworkers and have some talks with them. not deep spiritual stuff. just "so...you go to school?" small talk. things to help me get comfortable around them. i keep praying for them. i keep reading my Bible on my breaks. it's exciting!
i'm excited to see what God might do!
maybe you could pray for me and my time there. i'd really appreciate it!

oh! AND! i go in Thursday for my Lisence! i'm really scared and nearvous.

2006-11-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

Ezekiel is a really awesome prophet. the things God made him do were insane. he had him erect a model of isreal, and make a siege against it, then he had to lie on his side for 390 days for isreal then he had to turn on his other side fir 40 days for judah, eating nothing but wheat and barley, beans and lentils, and milet and spelt and water. and he could only eat about 8 oz.'s a day and he had to eat it at set times. then he had to shave his head and beard and he had to burn a third of his hair, he had to strike a third of his hair with a sword (how do you do that?!) and he had to scatter a third of his hair to the wind, but he had to take a few strands and tuck them away in his garments. all that represented what God would do to them.

then God had him symbolize "exile"...man. you just need to read it all. it's crazy. how can someone have the perseverance to obey God to that extreme? 390 days, laying on your side, and you can't sit up to eat, you have to do it all laying down...

anyways. he's a pretty awesome prophet. read ezekial 1-5. it's great.

2006-11-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

ACTS.

Awe.

I'm so in awe of God. He is my Creator. My Father. My judge. You know what I just noticed? All three of those are similar. They connect. My real father created me, and he is also my judge. He punishes me when i do wrong...but the Kind of loving punishment that makes me understand my wrong. Same for God, but in a much broader Bigger beautiful way. I'm in awe of God, for His creation. it never ceases to amaze me. the change in weather is awe-inspiring. the rain is refreshing and cool. the rainy season has always been my most favorite time of year. i use to love and look at the colorful reflections on the windshield of a car. the different kinds of drops and the reflection of city lights on the roads and puddles. call me a freak, but I thank God for those little pleasures.

i forgot what c was....maybe it'll come to me soon. OH yah! Confess.

well...last saturday Masami was asking everyone questions. and he said "have you ever lusted...?" and i never raised my hand, not because i was in denial. i actually didn't really fully understand what Lusting meant and i wasn't about to admit to something i knew nothing about. but now i know, and sadly i can say that i have. but everytime i think about it, it gives me more cause to praise God in showing me my sin and givng me the courage to ask for forgiveness. it's like being a little kid and going in for your punishment. it's the scariest thing ever. you know there will be Physical and Emotional pain, but once it's through you feel refreshed and ready to move on.

Thanks.

I really want to Thank God for the Job He's given me and the friends i have. Joy and Jason and David and Jon and all those other kids who enjoy my company. Thanks for giving me breath, and a really awesome family. for my personality and my femenine beauty. oh and my ten year Visa to India. that's pretty awesome.

Supplication.

I guess i'm quite content with everything right now. the greatest thing i could ask of God is to allow me to go to India again. and that my co-workers could find Christ. whether through me or someone else.

anyways. that's how you pray. by Masami's point of view. Like i said before Christ is really awesome. He's pure and Holy, something i'll never match up to until Heavan. I can't wait.

2006-10-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

You Are 96% Pure

You're so innocent, it's almost like you're not human.Taking this test is probably the naughtiest thing you've done in a while!

How Pure Are You?

2006-10-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.
Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.
You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's" Your Element?

2006-10-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

I got my first paycheck the other day. that's very exciting. i really like the people i work with. they're all really nice and like me.

let me list everyone, just because i can and it will be fun.
Phyllis. she's really awesome and funny, and she likes to gang up on me with other workers and tease me about random things.

Pam. she's always stressed but she's pretty nice. well....stressed is not really the word. more like tired.

Kyle, one of the new recruites who started working the same day as me. this kid is so funny! whenever he sees me he gets this huge smile on his face, and he always jokes around. he's awesome!

alex b. a very quiet guy. he's pretty nice.

alex. another extremely quiet kid. he told me he hates checking and he always smiles when he sees me! it's funny!

Barb. the one woman who intimidates me. she reminds me of Mrs. Schneider in second grade. a very masculin woman, who i can never tell when she's joking...or WHAT!

Brent. he's kindof "funnyish-weird". he cracks weird jokes...and he always makes me laugh.

Jenney. another stressed woman. well. at leaste this week she is. but even though she's always stressed, she's really nice.

april. my personal trainer. only once have i seen her extremely stressed, and it happened to be the day that i was stressed so we were both stressed. other than that one day, she's the nicest calmist woman there.

i don't really get to hang out with the meat department, or the deli. but the produce maneger and assistant are pretty nice.

there are other workers there, but they slip my mind. OH! there is Semira. i always...and i mean always...mispronounce her name. it's sad.

OH!!!! and Jackie!!!! she's my absolute favorite! she calls everyone sweety. and her laugh is extremely contagious!it's awesome!

the other day, all the workers up front, which i think it was Jenny, Phyllis, Jacki and pam. they all all of a sudden got in this weird funcky mood, where they were cracking the funniest jokes and were teasing me and laughing at the weirdest things. i was almost flabbergasted. it was so funny to see! man. i love my job

2006-10-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

i have a feeling i'm going to be talking about my new job for a while. Brent left a lovely comment saying how much he loves plastic. with made me remeber how many Patheticly Picky People there are in estacada! HOLY COW!!!!

this one lady was like "double bag, and make sure this goes in a paper bag, and these two HAVE! to go in plastic. then she slowly counted out her money and each item that i rung up, she made sure it was the right price, the right brand...and on and on. it was weird. i really wanted to laugh. but she would have noticed.

then there are the really awesome people! the ones who i want to HUG when they say "whatever is easiest for you!" then i go straight for the plastic because it's right by me and i don't have to struggle for a decade trying to open up the paper bag. and i always forget that i have those really nice teenagers who bag for me whenever it's a really big load. so this whole time i've been doing it by myself. not using the handy intercom to call for them. there's Bill, Jenna, Kyle and some others that i don't think i've met. they're called something special, but i just can't remember. so anyways. joy has only come through my line once. lanelle and jake once. elaine once. connie redmond came through my line, and i saw ronnie from a distance. stephanie walked by my line, but was in someone else's. and she said hi. i saw so many other people, it's freaky. that's what i get for being hired at the biggest grocery store in a small town. oh yah. and masami's gone through someone else's line twice, but talked to me the whole time.

it's pretty awesome.

here's a list of people i EXPECT to see this week.

joy
brent
masami
jon
david
jerry
ronnie (in MY line!)
jason
all the jr.high and highschool kids.
scotty and becky
timbo
lisa and bryan (lisa promised to buy apack of Gum.)

am i missing anyone!?

if you see your name! you'd better be there!

i work all this week, ending on saturday. so you have all the time in the world. oh, and i work nights.

Ok! that's enough of that.
How's is everything going for you spiritually? i love asking that. and i want sincerity. joy, we already talked so you don't need to say anything if you don't want to. but anyone else! i want to know, thruthfully i do!

have a nice day.

2006-10-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

my job is awesome. i see so many people i know! it's GREAT!
today was a bit more crazy, because i was on the Register all day. i had to deal with a Deaf man. i felt so bad, because he was buying alchohol and i didn't even realize he was deaf, and i carded him because he looked like he was in his twenties. and he didn't understand what i was saying, so he was getting really frustrated.. luckily, there is a lady in Delhi, who signs, and she was called over to talk to him.

then there was this other guy who was buying beer, and he looked like he could maybe be 29, so i carded him. and i didn't know he had three kids standing next to hom (not like a 30 year old guy couldn't have kids...) so he was giving me a hard time with that. i think he enjoyed it. THEN as id it wasn't enough, the whole line of like three other people ganged up on me and were teasing me! the next guy in line was buying some TV dinner, and the guy behind him said "are you sure your old enough to buy that?!"

yahi had a blast. i really did. i'll be able to get to know a bunch of people, and it'll be great. see you at Thriftway! PAPER OR PLASTIC!!!!

2006-10-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Eze 14:12 And the word of Jehovah came unto me, saying,
Eze 14:13 Son of man, when a land sinneth against me by committing a trespass, and I stretch out my hand upon it, and break the staff of the bread thereof, and send famine upon it, and cut off from it man and beast;
Eze 14:14 though these three men, Noah, Daniel, and Job, were in it, they should deliver but their own souls by their righteousness, saith the Lord Jehovah.
Eze 14:15 If I cause evil beasts to pass through the land, and they ravage it, and it be made desolate, so that no man may pass through because of the beasts;
Eze 14:16 though these three men were in it, as I live, saith the Lord Jehovah, they should deliver neither sons nor daughters; they only should be delivered, but the land should be desolate.
Eze 14:17 Or if I bring a sword upon that land, and say, Sword, go through the land; so that I cut off from it man and beast;
Eze 14:18 though these three men were in it, as I live, saith the Lord Jehovah, they should deliver neither sons nor daughters, but they only should be delivered themselves.
Eze 14:19 Or if I send a pestilence into that land, and pour out my wrath upon it in blood, to cut off from it man and beast;
Eze 14:20 though Noah, Daniel, and Job, were in it, as I live, saith the Lord Jehovah, they should deliver neither son nor daughter; they should but deliver their own souls by their righteousness.

the word of the Lord is powerful! if you don't beleive me and you refused to read it, read it now. The word of the Lord is sharp as a double edged sword! there was a Christian, being persecuted in Taiwan i beleieve. and one day as his captor guard was beating him, the prisoner said "You keep beating me. if i die, you will some day become a Christian! i promise!" a little paraphrased because i don't have the little magazine next to me, the the powerful statement that ravages through my mind is "You will someday become a Christian if you kill me!" and it happened, and it happens alot. Crazy huh! God is Powerful. He causes death to cause life. That fellow brother in Christ dies for a pure and holy reason. I thank God for his death, so that one guard could see Christ someday!

read Ezekial chapter 10 it's awesome!

2006-10-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

well, i realize alot of poepl don't like edgar allen poe, but he is one of my most favorite Poets. so, enjoy. (i dare you to read the whole thing! i've read it so many times it's not even funny!)

The Raven

Poem by Edgar Allen Poe (1845)

Once upon a midnight dreary,while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. "
'Tis some visitor," I muttered,"tapping at my chamber door-
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore- Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating, "
'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;-
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;- Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"- Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what ther eat is, and this mystery explore-
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door-
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door-
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore-
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door-
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered-
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before-
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore-
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore Of 'Never- nevermore'.

" But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door; Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or devil!-
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted-
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore- Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil- prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us- by that God we both adore- Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend,"
I shrieked, upstarting- "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted- nevermore!

YES! i love this poem. it's my favorite!
but i've always wondered WHAT! is the Raven!
i once thought death...but i was never sure. what do you think? (did you even read it all?!)

2006-10-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

Steven!
When i heard he had passed away, i was almost in tears. if masami hadn't been standing in front of me, already heart broken, i would have cried. but i knew it would just cause him to probably cry, and we both would have been sitting in the jr.high cafeteria with a girl i hardly knew and a janetor, staring at us, as we cried. no one could fathom the loss. i have so many fond memories of steven. one thing that i truly loved about this man was his passion for prayer! that word left his lips all the time. you couldn't go through a whole conversation with Steven and not hear him talk about prayer! he was into, saving souls for Christ. it was his life, i beleive, to serve Christ and win Souls for the Kingdom. especially the Tibetans, these people i have grown to love. they're so beautiful, but so clouded by sin. he was truly an amazing man. i thank God for the many opportunities this year and last year, to walk beside him and share in his passion for the ministry! Thanks God! he was one of the people who really helped me understand my passion for the Tibetans. and he still does. i can't wait till i return to india, whether it will be this year or another year. i'll be able to see Joshua and Isaac and Stevens wife, and see how they're doing and encourage them. it will be nice.

anyways. i hope i've encouraged the Body. Keep his family and the people who were impacted by him the most, in your prayers.

2006-09-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

I want to talk about a man who has deeply impacted me. He is now Praising Christ and God in there presence as i speak. Which is probably what he wanted to do his whole life, being in the presence of God.

His ministry was intense. Serve God.
He served God by giving schooling to a group of little Gypsy children. The first year I got to see a bunch of them running by their house. they seemed really happy. Every morning he would get up and walk with this man, whi i beleive was a government official, i'm not sure though. he wasn't a christian, but every morning he walked with Steven. He had a radio program that went into Tibet, this year we got to walk through a new building as it was being built, and in the building were little school rooms. i forgot what those were for, but i know it was to teach children, because one randomly came flying from somewhere and almost ran into us. (Vauge memory :) On our way back to his house that same day, Tim(bo) [a nickname i gave him after he started calling me Carina Latrina {because it reminded him of the latrine!}] wanted to buy a Tibeten rug, but we couldn't find someone who could make them. so steven took us into this two story house thing...i'm not sure now what it was. it was a huge building that was like a hundred years old, and if an earthquake hit, the people inside would be history. well, we walked in and Steven showed us a bunch of women who were hand weaving Tibetans rugs. we got to talk with them, and steven was talking to them. it was awesome. Then there was those two houses that he bought, and in them he decipled a bunch of younge tibetan guys. so, through his death, i see alot of lives that he had been impacting, will be impacted even more. they will miss him. they will wonder, and if it's God's will, He will be glorified.

I'm excited to see what happens over in india. and i can't wait till it's my turn to stand before God, and praise him, with steven and all the other amazing people in heaven!

2006-09-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

God has answered prayers in my life once again. I was hired at Thriftway yesterday, after my drug test. i start working on wednesday. i'm so excited. so my schedule is now full with youthgroup, awanas, thriftway, girls inc., and the latino club. the sad thing is, i'm not sure if i'll be able to go to india. i mean, i'll ask my boss, but he said something about not having vacation until you've worked for them for a year. but maybe he can make it work for me. we'll see. obviously it's all up to God. if He wants me to go, it Will work out. so. we'll see what He's up to.

i'm still very excited! i'll be able to get my lisence. and then a car. and then maybe move out. AND!!! YESS!!! whenever i go out to eat with other people! I CAN PAY!!!! YESS!!!! you have no idea how "free" that already feels. and no more, me asking for rides! people will be groveling at my feet for rides! (just kidding)

so. i'm really excited.

so. whenever your in thriftway, stop my register if i'm working1 ok!? :)
that'd be so fun.

ok. enough.

now about the saturday night service. it went great. Tim spoke really well. and there were alot of parents. some of the parents wouldn't let any of the kids stay later, but maybe they'll get more used to it later. we're hoping that alot of the kids will want to stay later and hang out. there were only 4 jr.highers but alot of highschoolers. everything went very smoothly. i'm excited to see it get bigger, as the weeks and months progress.

2006-09-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

well. i'm writing a story for this art site...what do you think of it so far. By far, it is way not finished! but enjoy what i have written.oh, and i have to iilistrate it to.

Fernis Mottle's Dragon Search
by CMT

Fernis Mottle was a slim girl. Around the age of 15 and about 5 foot 7 and growing. Now, I'm not skilled in "Height Knowledge" or anything of that sort, but i'm fairly sure this was a rare height for girls in this era. She had dark brown hair and silver eyes. Also a slight Lisp that make everyone smirk at her. Now, in this era, Silver eyes meant you couldn't keep still, and Dark hair meant that everything that happened to you was happening for a purpose but sadly, if you were born with a lisp, well, that just meant you were born of a family of Ill repute. Now, What era you say? well, the era of Dragons and Corn of course. Yes! Dragons and Corn, you did hear me right. Dragons flooded the plains, they took every oportunity to eat fish and corn. Well, at leaste when no one was looking. They crawled from the deepest darkest pits, down where no one could fathom the deepness. There they hoarded corn, the only means of survival for the people on ground. There land had been laid waiste by the evil dragons a few decades past. Evil dragons so vile, so Horendous, to look at them would mean certain death. They ravaged the land, in search of every tree or field that harvested a crop and blew poisonous vapors around. and these vapours creeped down to the coldest roots and shriveled what food sources and nutrience were there.
Well, needless to say, Fernis Mottle, or Ferny as a few of her closest friends called her, was an adventerous sort. She always seemed to find herself in the most dire of situations. Like last winter, she found an old stump a few miles away from the small town of GrainStock. She loved to jump on stumps and pretend she had tamed a wild dragon. She envisioned her dragon with a breast-plate of silver, studded with the most rare of jewels. She would forge a huge Golden Saber that could attach to the tail of her beast and slice through anything that clouded there path. It's eyes would reflect hers, Silver and bright. They'd fly through the air, in search of rare plants. Plants thought to have gone extinct during the Great Raid of Foliage. To bad she hadn't been born a few decades earlier. If she had...Well...by now, as she was throwing herself around, pretending to destroy Evil Dragons with her Tamed One beside her, she didn't realize she had grabbed a stick and was thrashing some little kid who had followed her out of town. The kid was inflicted with a bloody nose and was so mad, he ran back and tattled on Poor Fernis Mottle. She got a good thrashing that day.
This spring was a little less intense. She accidentally caused a horse to spook and it knocked down a couple of small racks of cooking corn. That would be the end of her adventurous spirit for the rest of the summer. All the adult in the town decided that she should stay inside, studying.

ok. that's it. i can probably only think of two people who would appreciate this story and i won't pass on names. but be gentle. :)

2006-09-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/cwn/092206indigenous.aspx

2006-09-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

Typing out verses is tedious and sometimes annoying, but the benefit is amazing. i have time to take each word as i type it, to come up with a conclusion as to what it means. which helps me to understand the whole thing as a whole.
so here goes.

Philippians 1:3-11
I thank my God every time i remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with Joy because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since i have you in my heart; for whether i am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in Knowledge and Depth of Insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of Righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.

i read that, and was amazed at one part in peticular. "Phillipians 1:9 ...And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight. ..."

fascinating way to pray for someone. He didn't just pray that they would love people. anyone can love someone. but he prayed that there love would be filled with Knowledge and depth of insight. and why did he pray for that? So that they would be able to discern what was best and that they would be pure and blameless until Christ's second coming.I can only assume that's what the "Day of Christ" is. His return.
But what would it look like? Physically? to have Love that abounded in Knowledge and Depth of insight! I want to ask God to give me that, I want you to ask God to give you that. what an amazing Gift that would be!

another area that stuck out to me in those verses, was how Paul said "I thank God every time I remember you." That kind of sounded weird to me, that he would thank God for remebering someone. what does that mean? why would he say that? The only thing that came to my mind was that God probably put the "remebering" in Pauls mind. that would be the only reason (that I can see) that Paul would thank God.

well. thanks for listening again. have a good day. and keep God in the center of your Prayers.

2006-09-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

Holy Cow! this article i found freaked me out! you should read it and tell me what you think!

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20050929.wstiffs.jpg/BNStory/National/

enjoy. and also tell me if you would consider it yourself! :)

2006-09-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

i Just finished book #6 in the Left Behind series! it was long. rough and exciting! Now i have to go back to the library and check out two more. hopefully i'll have the whole series read before my job starts up.

so about my Job. i was so convicted when i left the last day of training. Ready to just quit and breeze away. away from those freaky women lovers and femenist and new-agey creepy people. but they need Jesus to. I just realized how much of an impact i could have. i have to see all of them at leaste once a month at madetory meetings. truthfully i will dread them...but looking forward to God's power in my life is far more exciting!

I've had many moments to consider my predicament, and i realized that the whole experience put me in a spiritually depressed state. but that didn't last. God has again directed me. and uplifted my spirits! it was good. so, now, needless to say. i'm excited for the opportunities He's givven me. and i can't wait to start.

now about the Bible. i need to impress it on my mind.

Hebrews 12:3 Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

wow that's a sweet! verse! I pray your day goes well.

2006-09-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

AAAW! ther's me as a baby! chewing on a baseball bat!
yah those were the days. being chubby isn't like what it used to be. now there are worldy preferences. i would have failed!!!!

Can you find me! can you find JOY!!!

IT'S ALMOST AS FUN AS A "WHER'S WALDO"!
hahah! better yet.

so much for that Biblical post. I just had to show you the proof that me and joy knew each other in second grade!

2006-09-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

i want to study the Bible again with you, and share my insight...if i get any. But usually i just bombared people with questions...and most of the time my thoughts are weak. i'm sure all of the people who know me closest would remember me as someone who wasn't very thoughtful or didn't try to think as much as a normal person. but the truth is, i'm not sure how to think. I always have this deep fear, that if i give my opinion on Biblical matters that the person hearing me will be offended or try to talk me out of whatever i just said. i'm a social wreck. my life is centered on what others think of me. i know that's no way to live, and i know it will be really rough getting past that personality traite. but i also know that with God's help anything is possible. who knows. maybe He created me like this for a reason. i know, with the way i am, if i had been in Highschool, i probably would have turned out to be a fake Christian. one who went to church but defied everything God has set before us. i'm a follower and i want to be accepted. and it's painfull when i'm not, and that's when i begin to hate myself.

oh well. i don't know why i said all that. but i won't erase it. i hate it when people see me as strong and "perfect". I've had so many people call me "perfect" it's not even funny. and that was coming from another beleiver, which really upsets me...but i do appreciate evry un-beleiver who has pointed out God in me whenever i try to be hidden. not that i want to hide God, but i'm not social in any cercumstances. i'm like the leaste social person in this whole world. and you say "no way...your like best friends with everyone in your church..." well. let me just explaine that when you go to India for two years and you become like a daughter to all of those older guys on the team and you become even closer to all those younger people, and you leave random messages to masami, who without telling me, broadcasts that to the whole church, you'd better beleive i'd become well known. not that i like ebing known. it just sortof happens.

anyways. the bottom line is i hate being social. i get serious anxiety whenever i'm around people who i am not comfortable with. it's the most annoying feeling wanted with every part of you to be accepted, but you yourself not wanting to be noticed. oh well. that's life i guess...

i'll write a whole long post about God and what He's telling me in His word in like an hour...so keep looking. it will be inspired! i promise.

2006-09-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

John Piper on Small Groups.

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2006/1810_Resting_and_Wrestling_for_the_Cause_of_ChristTogether/

try to read all of that. it's really good. even if you have to Save the link and come back later. and keep in ming Piper wrote it to his church that he preaches at. well, it was confusing to me...just wanted to warn you.

2006-09-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Ok. here goes. last night was a breath of fresh air for me. i had become stale through secular teaching, and then at the Youth group kickoff-to be surrounded by other beleivers, was like a lsap in the face, and early morning wakeup call. It was defienetly God who planned those days to collide together.

I will first start out by saying how un-trained my mind is when it comes to secular training. all the training i've received is Christian, except of course that forklift training or CPR or Scuba diving. but this was different. this was 100% Serious attacks on my beleifs! if you don't think Femenists don't attack your beleifs. you should sit with them for a few days and see how much they probably hate Christians. I could almost taste it. although they did talk about how "We should all respect each others opinions..." i still felt Like i'd be the center of attention.

so your probably confused now. let me explaine my job. I was hired to work for Girls.Inc. a corporation that helps build up girls and there "self-image" and Blah-Blah-Blah. not that that is bad...but the behind the scenes training is what freaked me out. all the 25 women who were there were either Liberal, Feminist, New age or all of those! except one. this Girl who i'll be working for... They kept saying things like "I found my iner-child" and "The energy in this room is Amazing!" they are pr-abortion, luckily we didn't discuss that in this training...and they excercise "safe-sex"! Grrrr....I hope they don't expect me to teach any of that. if they do, they'll have to fire me first. of course the ciriculum says nothing about abortion and safe sex as aposed to absinence, but what's to stop them if i refuse to "Mentor" a girl in that direction. well, needless to say, after those two days of training, i felt dirty, like i needed a shower. and being able to show up at someones house with alot of christians, made me feel so much better! more to say on this job later...after i have a serious meeting with Masami.

2006-09-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

i was reading in job last night, with Joy. and some things lept out at me, yet again. the first time i read the passage, a few years ago at camp, my understanding of Job chapter 9 was limited. I knew the chapter was showing our need for Jesus. and i found many parts of that chapter that reflected that. for instance... Job 9:2..."Indeed, i know that this is true, but how can a mortal be righteous before God?" verse 4 "His wisdom is profound, His power is vast. Who has resisted Him and come out unscathed?" how obvious can that get? we as Humans or "Mortals" cannot be righteous before God. it isn't possible. And can you tell me who has resisted God and come out alive. if you think you can storm into Heavan someday demanding that God let you in, beleive me. it won't work. God will not allow it. when i realized this, it almost made my life hopeless. if i had not been a beleiver in Jesus I would have been depressed. i wouldn't have known what to do. But i knew. But this chapter just doesn't leave us dangling...it Hints deeper. now don't get me wrong, it doesn't blurt out! "you need Jesus! He is the only way!" but it does make it clear we need someone to intercede, and that someone came to earth hundreds, probably thousands of years after this chapter was written...Job 9:32-34 He is not a man like me that I might answer Him, that we might confront each other in court. If only there were someone to Arbitrate between us, to lay His hand upon us both, Someone to remove God's rod from me, so that His terror would frighten me no more."
That's so awesome. I had read the whole book of Job so many times, but always never understood or just plainly skimmed by that section. but it is so crucial. now...here's the definition of "Arbitrate" just in case you don't know what it means as i do...

arbitrate
v : act between parties with a view to reconciling differences; "He interceded in the family dispute"; "He mediated a settlement" [syn: intercede, mediate, intermediate, liaise]

so. that's where Jesus's Mediation role comes in. I've always heard Jesus is like a Mediator...but i never knew where it was found. although I'm sure there are tons of other places that Have that statement...now i just have to find them!

2006-09-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

Chi Chi's Mild Salsa
This is a great base recipe that can easily be adapted to your tastes. Ingredients
1 can sliced-style stewed;
(14 ozs) tomatoes 2 large green onions;
snipped quite w/scissors 1 large ripe tomato;cored;
diced
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 dose Tabasco; or to taste

Directions
Cut up stewed tomatoes and combine in saucepan with onions, fresh tomato, salt and pepper. Bring just to a boil. Boil hard 1 minute and remove at once from heat. Put half of mixture through blender just to mince fine but not to puree. Return to remaining half of mixture. Cool and refrigerate in tightly covered container to use with a few weeks. Freezes well to use within 6 months. NOTE: For hot salsa: Add 1 tsp canned green chopped chilies or to taste, freezing unused chilies to use in other recipes.

mmm. tasty salsa. it makes your mouth water doesn't it?

2006-09-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

here are some things that i found really awesome. i got them from an e-mail...and no. it wasn't one of those "if you don't send this to 59 friends you'll have a bad love life for 7 years" kindof a thing.

come on, just read it.

On Sunday He Is God
There are very few who in their hearts who do not believe in God, but what they will not do is give Him exclusive right of way. ... They are not ready to promise full allegiance to God alone. Many a professing Christian is a stumbling-block because his worship is divided. On Sunday he worships God;on weekdays God has little or no place in his thoughts. I want people to place their faith in Jesus and motivate them to live more obediently. D.L. Moody

He Is the Son of God

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing wemust not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg - or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is,the Son of God: or else a mad man or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Take up Your Cross

This is a cheerful world as I see it from my garden under the shadows of my vines. But If I were to ascend some high mountain and look over the widelands, you know very well what I would see: brigands on the highways,pirates on the sea, armies fighting, cities burning; in the amphitheaters men murdered to please the applauding crowds; selfishness and cruelty andmisery and despair under all roofs. It is a bad world, Donatus, an incredibly bad world. But I have discovered in the midst of it a quiet and holy people who have learned a great secret. They are despised and persecuted, but they care not. They are masters of their souls. They have overcome the world. These people, Donatus, are the Christians--and I am one of them.
Cyprian, a third-century martyr.

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring.
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
The character Bilbo Baggins in J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord Of The Rings,1956.

well. that's enough for now. have a good day. you should read Job chapter 9 and tell me what you think1 ok!?

2006-09-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

well. does anyone have free kittens? Free kittens anyone!?

or a free puppy! especially a tibetan mastiff...for those of you who know me best, you know how much i LOve! Tibetan Mastiff's! they're the most amazing Dog Breed that God could ever make (Excitement is personal, as is the view and statement...) aside from the Really! awesome Great Dane!
let me tell you of my first encounter with a Tibetan Mastiff...

it was warm, almost muggy, but absolutely just right. we were touring Steven's son's art\furniture Gallery. that's not really what it was, but me being an artist, that's what i saw. all of it was really awsome. as we stepped through the open doors, the indian air got just a tad bit warmer. Joshuah and Isaac handed each of us a complimentary hanger. :) hahah! (that was pretty funny...) WHICH! i don't have...darnit! i just remembered that...i think Brent has it. anyways...
so we step out of the old building and begin to walk back to the car, all the guys talking. especially Jake who was enamoured with there building skills and tools and whatnot. when steven steered us toward the front door. he said "you want to see our puppy?" i was curious. i didn't know what kind it was, but i knew i loved puppies. so me and lanelle went over to see it.

and there it was.

the most innocent ball of fluff you could ever lay your eyes on. staring at me. beckoning me to finger my hand through it's soft warm fur. lanelle got to it first. she squatted down and petted it for what seemed like an eternity for me. i Needed to touch it! finally she scooted away. i was free to look at it and talk to it. it was so sweet. it wasn't more than a month old, and it was quite tiny. i didn't realize what a monster it would turn out to be, but a gentle monster. i kept petting it. i couldn't tear myself away. some lady came out to stare at me, while Brent kept telling me to get away from it because we had to leave...but i made my moment with this tiny creature last...

right now it's probably Ginormous. like 50 times the size i left it in. but i hope i get to see it again. we really had a connection. a bond. ok that sounds corny. but i did fall in love with the breed.

so that's the story.

you need to get a tibetan mastiff.

2006-09-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

ok. joy. i know this doesn't look like you, but who cares. at leaste i got the hair.

so. now i've fully, almost gotten you back for writing so much about me...
and posting that pathetic link to that horendous picture you drew of me.

now. about that tazer. we should pread the word. heighten awareness. bring down crime one female at a time. Hahahah! just joking. although if every woman in america had a tazer, i wonder if guys would think twice before attacking them. better yet. if every woman in america had a GUN! what say you?

all comments must be submitted in writting. you cannot speak to me openly about this subject. WHY? because i can!
have a swell day!

2006-09-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

Why the pouch?
Kangaroo's
In the desert species, carrying the baby in the pouch is convenient for the female, who may travel many miles for fresh food and water. The youngster stands a greater chance of survival because it does not have to keep up with her and is tucked away from predators.
During prolonged drought, kangaroos stop breeding. In some species, a doe [the female] is able to delay the development of a fertilized egg inside her until an older joey dies or vacates the pouch.
This remarkable phenomenon occurs in the red kangaroo, the eastern grey kangaroo, the common wallaroo (euro), the brush-tailed bettong, and several of the larger wallabies. It has also been noted in the honey possum and some non-marsupial mammals such as bats and seals.2
Another incredible aspect is that the doe can determine the sex of her offspring. How she does this is unknown, but she tends to put off bearing males until she is older. Males move away after about two years, but females stay with their mothers longer and benefit from ongoing support.3
A doe is nearly always pregnant. From sexual maturity to death, she is rarely without three offspring — an embryo in the womb, a joey in her pouch, and a larger youngster at her heels.
The joey is born after a gestation period of about 35 days (depending on the species) and in the largest species is the size of a human thumb nail. In the smallest, it is only the size of a rice grain. Naked, blind and deaf, it must make its way unaided from the birth canal to the pouch.
All going well, the climb will take less than 10 minutes. The joey can survive only a few minutes unless it reaches the pouch and attaches to one of the four nipples. Once there, its mouth swells on the nipple so that it cannot be removed without injury. A ring of strong muscles, similar to human lips, seals off the opening to the pouch to protect the joey from bouncing out, and keeps the pouch waterproof if mother goes for a swim.4
After three months, the developed joey emerges from the pouch to make short trips in the outside world. However, it will return to the pouch to suckle and sleep until eight months old.

www.ChristianAnswers.Net

animals are amazing. it just proves God's devotion to this world until we can be with Him in heavan. i was reading about Creation science a little bit ago, it's fascinating stuff. this site tells from a christian perspective how the animals dispersed, or at leaste some of there theories and speculations and of course biblical facts. read it, it's awesome.

http://christiananswers.net/q-aig/aig-c006.html

2006-09-08T01:48:00.000-07:00

WARNING:some of the following contents may be stylized, exaggerated or accidentally made up. enter at owners own risk.

Ok. so i have a really dear friend. her name is joy.she's beautiful. amazing. friendly. outgoing.she's only 4ft.11in. but God has given her grace beyond measure. her love for Him is what always makes me want to scream for Joy! having a friend like her is a deep blessing.We've been friends since we were in 2 grade. here are my most fondest memories of her.I was running around. my hair flowing in the wind. i was only 6. it was recess. i was oblivious to most things. people didn't stand out to me. i was in my own little world. but she did. she had long blonde hair. blueish green eyes. and she was romping around this green field. i was so curious as to what she was doing that i walked right up to her and asked her what she was doing.she looked at me and said..."why. i'm being a horse!"i was so confused. i had never seen a horse. so i asked her if she could teach me. she did, and we were best friends ever since. we spent so much time together. her always getting me in trouble. one time, me and her little sister jenny were planning this huge slumber party. i mean it was going to be massive. with junk food and fun movies and we were going to invite her cousin! her mom had taken us to the snack shop and thriftway and we had picked out pop and pizza and candy and stuff!!! i was stoked, the first fun party i would ever be invited to. well. me in my curiosity. Kelly (Grrr....) decided to watch a movie. rated R!it was called "Maximum Overdrive" a movie about machines that came to life and killed people. my mom distinctly told me to ask before watching any movie. well, kelly said it was a good movie. but i decided i shouldn't watch it. so me and joy went into her room. joy got Ancy and went out to see her favorite part, where a little boy on a baseball field gets his face bashed in when a pop machine shoots out pop cans. well. i was ledt in the room, all to myself. what was i supposede to do?! i went out there at sat with them and watched the movie. it was scary. almost at the end, laury comes in and says...carina, did you aks your mom if you could watch this? i kindof mumbled a yes...(blatent lie...) but laury called my mom anyways. my heart Burned. fear seeped through my soul. not only had i watched a rated r movie, but i ahd lied to laury. joy and kelly were oblivious to what was going on. they were obsorbed in watching the morbid movie. laury ;looked at me and said..."your moms coming". that was the end of the worlds greatest slumber party. my mom came and got me. joy didn't seem upset...to me anyways. but she was still my most coveted friend. the person i looked forward to seeing everyday at school. we've been through so much. i was shocked when she had a boyfriend...in like 3rd grade! i was partially disgusted. i was really mad, when rumors started to spread that she had kissed him. i refused to beleive it. there were so many times i cried in school. one of the worst memories of joy was on one of those occasions. 3rd grade. Mrs Packrds class. we had just had a bubble gum blowing contest to see who could blow the largest bubble. i knew i would win. i knew my jaw was capable of such trama! i was ready. psyched up. prepared! we were given to pieces. i decided to try the contest and if i failed, i'd keep the other piece for recess. well. i failed. sadness. oh well. i had that other piece for recess. well...lalalala...recess finally came. i went to the undercover area. feeling free to enjoy my piece of gum. joy and another girl walk up. they started harassing me. telling me i couldn't eat that piece of gum. if we had an extra we had to give it back to the teacher. well, i knew the logic in it. but i refused to beleive it. so i shoved the piece of gum in my mouth and chewed on the savory flavor. (it was bubblicious. the kind every child wanted, but my mom would never get!) well. that just made joy mad. so she said i had to spit it out and throw it away. at this point i didn't understand why all of this bickering was relevant. so i started to cry. i juices were drooling out of my mouth i was crying so hard. i think i ended up swollowing my gum. well. joy decided to change her tactic. her and the other girl calmed down and said "your so sensitive!"
what was this word! sensitive. i had never heard it before. i automatically assumed it was a horrid word and that it was inulting me. so i screamed back! "I AM NOT SENSITIVE!!!" this made them laugh. "You are sensitive!" this went back and forth for the whole recess. i was sobbing, weak from crying, shaking from furry. they were amused and thought it was hilarious. we walked into the classroom. my eyes were puffy and red. i was still choked up. the teacher pulled me aside and aksed what was the matter (really what was going through her mind was why can't this stupid sensitive girl go through one day without crying over something stupid...?) well. i mumbled something about them calling ,e sensitive and not letting me eat the gum...and it was a horrid gloomy day for me. but does this stop me from loving joy? does this make me dread being in her presence? does this make life more horrifying knowing she is still alive...?
no. far be it from me to ever dread being in this short girls presence. her very eyes puncture deep rivits in my kind. thanks God for making and molding such a beautiful person.

Amen. (let it be so...)

2006-09-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

Well, thank you joy for a fun day. i hope you had as much fun as i did. i always am excited to hang out with you, and saving your life makes it a ton more exciting. i REALLY thank God for His intervention in that situation. it was pretty crazy.

so. my most favorite parts of the Bible, are the action packed areas. some people like the romance...(?), some people like the hard to understand stuff, but i like the action. take this section for example...

Judges 19+20

a story quite similar to Sodom and Gamora. my favorite part...

Jdg 20:16 Among all this people there were seven hundred chosen men left-handed; every one could sling stones at a hair breadth, and not miss.

yah. that's pretty awesome. these people were devoted. they weren't stupid. i always imagined the isrealites as being incompitent. only relying on God for protection. but these people were strong. and they relied on a strong God. (the only God). i was almost sad when it said
Jdg 20:44 And there fell of Benjamin eighteen thousand men; all these were men of valor. (well, NIV says " all of them valiant fighters ") But it was Gods desicion. and if you read the reason this all took place, you'll end up wanting to route for the isrealites. anyways. that was a really awesome story. i thought it was a remix of Sodom and Gamora. in fact i think it is, but i'm not sure why God would do that again. oh well.

have a good night.

2006-09-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

wow. i'm such a slacker. i havn't read the Bible for like two whole days now. so much for me trying my hardest to read it. and please don't tell me "how hard it is to devote your self to reading the Bible everyday" I understand that...thus the complaining. just thinking about it makes me want to act upon it. so if i have to type this same sentance over and over again, everyday for the rest of my life, in order for me to try to read the Bible consistently, i guess that's what i have to do.

ok. i bought a sketchbook the other day, and i've dvoted it to the human body. i can't wait to see my skills be refreshed and molded.

...and now on to my thoughts.

India.

yes. i want to go again this year. if God will allow me, i will go. the only way i could see me not being able to go, is if i got a job and my boss said no. so i'm looking forward to it. the last two trips, i just lept into it. Focused on God but not really seeing if it was what He wanted. i automatically said YESS!!! i'm going! and went. obviously God didn't stop me. but i still felt bad for not even trying to see where He wanted me to go. well, now i'm 98% sure. the other two percent is a "He still might shut the door..." But i'm looking forward to it all. some day i hope i'll be able to go to tibet and china...and alot of other places, but right now, i'm content with India.

God's pretty awesome. and i know how much i grow when i go to india. each year was like ten years of growth for me. i have thought about how my life was before i went to india. i was weak, i knew God and wanted to honour Him but didn't know how, or who to share it with. I was socially afraid. well. now i'm quite different. at leaste i think so.

so. what could God possibly do again in my life if i went on another trip? Tons. i'm not sure what, but i always seem to get a few steps closer to God, the farther away from home and the more i have to rely on my friends for safety.

anyways. that was way to much rambling for my taste. now, off to study. and do some art.

2006-09-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

Ok. i need to read my Bible...

I'm going to read from Phillipians, only because that book just popped into my mind, and i also really like it. ok...here goes...

what's Humility?
–noun
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

(humility- a prominent Christian grace (Rom. 12:3; 15:17, 18; 1 Cor. 3:5-7; 2 Cor. 3:5;Phil. 4:11-13). It is a state of mind well pleasing to God (1 Pet. 3:4); it preserves the soul in tranquillity (Ps. 69:32, 33), and makes us patient undertrials (Job 1:22). Christ has set us an example of humility (Phil. 2:6-8) Weshould be led thereto by a remembrance of our sins (Lam. 3:39), and by thethought that it is the way to honour (Prov. 16:18), and that the greatestpromises are made to the humble (Ps. 147:6; Isa. 57:15; 66:2; 1 Pet. 5:5). Itis a "great paradox in Christianity that it makes humility the avenue toglory."
Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary)

So. Humility is not recognizing yourself, in comparison to someone else...
That's how my mind makes better sense of it anyways.

Did Jesus do that? The Bible says Jesus was humble. Philippians 2:1-11

"...Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. ..."

That's pretty crazy. Jesus was so humble He threw down His royalty and became a peasant. The story, The Prince and the Pauper jumped in my mind. Is it going to far to say that Christ, at one point, swiched places with us? He came down to our level so some day He would be able to exalt us...even above the angels. (i'd suggest you read the small paragraph of verses up above.)

wow. i think i got alot out of that. Studying the words that make no sense to me, like Humility, make it much more rewarding, than if i just sat there and stared at my Bible for a few minutes.

Ok. tell me what you got from this. and also expand on it. I like it when i make people think.

Have FUN!!!

2006-09-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

ok. today is a day of venting. I thought i got over this, but my mind keeps screaming at me and replaying the situation over and over in my mind. talking about this and displaying it for all the world to see, seems to help. i'll at leaste leave out there names. well, today i had to have a serious confrontaion with two kids. one of the kids who was supposed to be helping me keep the kids under control at the 5 day clubs, and the other, was being a disgusting distraction. ok. JG, wasn't prepared at all for his missionary story (again!) and passed it onto TB. that was the first thing that made me mad. He had a whole week of intensive training on this missionary story. and he told me he slept through most of it, thus his dis-interest in being a Light for God. Then for the other two clubs he and his friend...L? were huge distractions. first while TB was telling the missionary story (aka JG's job) Jg and L? were making the kids laugh. I told JG that he was making me mad and that he'd better stop distracting the kids. so, he eased up on it. then at Brents club, while i was trying to tell my Bible story, JG and L? were sitting amongst the kids and Talking! Loudly! and distracting, not only the kids but me. to the point where i kept on forgetting my place. It was very infuriating. i told them at leaste four times to stop talking, but it continued. so after that, i gave the song leading over to TB and had JG and L? walk with me a ways from the kids. first, as they walked towards me with smugg looks on there faces, i asked if i looked happy?! That wiped that off, then i told JG how totally dissapointed i was with him. he tried to pass the blame on L? who was willing to take it, but i wasn't willing to take that. it was both of them! i made that clear.I was so mad my whole body was shaking and i could feal my neck twitch, i do that all the time while i'm in a blood-thristy rage! i was telling JG and L? to go home right then, but he refused because his dad was there. and i know i should have gotten his dad, but i have this horrible weakness. i don't want people to be mad at me. I go out of the way, to make sure people don't hate me. but in this surcomstance, i think i would have rather had him hate me than not. but it was to late, my fear overcame me. I'm glad i at leaste showed him my anger. i think they were both quite surprised. they guarded there talking after that little discussion.

2006-08-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

ok. bear with me on this post. and laugh your heart out or scream in fear.

i know joy just posted about a dream she had, and beleive me, i'm NOT copying her. and even if i was, this makes such a good story.

so i had this dream. Last night, if you were wondering, so it's fresh in my mind.

It was "gloomy", kindof fuzzy, warm. I was in this white car with four other friends, i don't know who they were, but they were two couples and i was a guy, also someone i have no clue who it was. so we were driving around a city, down a deserted road, when we realized we were surrounded by dead people, walking and alive (now keep in mind, the last "night of the living dead" type of movie i saw was with joy, and that was Shawn of the Dead. that was like two weeks ago.) so we begin to feel uncomfortable, these people are dead, eating each other and killing people.we weren't scared, but i distinctly remember feeling uncomfortable. i begin to form this idea in my mind, "in order to survive this, i must get some food!" so i pass this old looking supermarket. half the parking lot was full, the other half was empty. i knew this was my chance, i parked and was running towards the store before i knew what was happening. i ran inside, and immediately, i realized there were alot of dead people in the store. they were all huddled around the frozen meat section stuffing there faces with raw meat. well, the part of my shopping experience eludes my mind, alls i know is all of a sudden i was standing in line with a full cart and eerie creepy music was playing in the back of my head. the lady in front of me had obviously been bitten. she was moaning in pain but determined to keep buying her stuff. there was a black lady bagging her stuff. the bitten lady turned to her and asked if she could go get her something. she looked uncertain, then left...toward the meat section. i began to panic! i knew there were dead people there and she would be eaten. there was just one shelf between me and the meat section. it was so scary. i could see the tops of there heads, mulling around and mulling back and fourth, the black lady had walked behind the little shelf and was gone. so i ran to the bagging area, and began to bag the ladies stuff! i knew i had to get her out of there before she turned into a zombie! i filled her cart up. she had two huge boxes as well, full of food. i put one box in her cart and one in mine and told her (aLIE!) that i would bring her, her box. she painfully shrugged her shoulders and waddeled away. so, i began stuffing my stuff in my cart, all the while expecting the black lady to fly around the corning and leap on me. my heart was pounding and i could begin to feel my body grow hotter. i grabbed up huge handfulls of tortillas. yes tortillas. who knows why i grabbed those. i must have thought i could live off them. all the while my heart rate was picking up. BAM! the black lady stepps out from behind the shelf and is untouched. she gives me this weird look, shruggs and begins helping someone else. so i'm packing tortillas in my cart, still hearing the creepy music. finally i finish and i slapped a credit card down and ran out the door, as more people are piling in to buy food. i begin to run across the parking lot towards my car. my friends are shaken up. the woman who was in front of me in the line, had parked right next to us. she was leaning against her car as i was slapping my forhead and saying "Oh GREAT!!!!" so i begin to fling open doors and throw tortillas at my friends. well, the lady begins moving around her car. a sick feeling errupts in my stomach. i knew she was a zombie. but all the others zombies just walzted around. she was acting funny. then all OF a sudden she flipps around and screams at me. a shrill peircing scream!. her hair is wild and she starts RUNNING around my car. i scream and slam the doors. leap into my side of the car as she flings herself at me. and i drive off....then i woke up.

yes. my dream was so scarry. i woke up Hot, sweaty and my heart racing.
i fell back asleep a few minutes later and drempt the same dream again, but my mom interrupted that. it was so weird. My body was just HOT! like the kind of Hot, when you get when your really scared.

anyways. that was that. hope it entertained you.

2006-08-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life.
2 Peter 1:3 NLT

Isn't it nice to start off a post with Just a verse? Well. This is my post. Give me feedback. And hurry, before i post again and you'll never be able to comment on this post again!

2006-08-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

As the weeks after Camp pile up on me, i began to think and ponder the things i learned. and one thing still stuck in my mind. Every night at Eagle Fern, we had a discussion, called hot topics. One of the nights we talked about Media. Music and all that stuff that Teenage girls bury themselves in. now, i never quote from secular songs, and i definetely wouldn't copy from this song, i won't even tell you what the song is it's so againts everything God stands for. But one part of the song shot out at me. it wrenched my heart, i honestly felt like crying. it said...

Roses are red
Some diamonds are blue
Chivalry is dead
But you're still kinda cute

Chivalry.
The medieval system, principles, and customs of knighthood.
The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
A manifestation of any of these qualities.
A group of knights or gallant gentlemen.

Chivalry is dead. Is that true? Is it possible to step outside and find Chivalry in a man? It was really hard for me to sit there and watch this music video, with girls throwing themselves at guy's while that phrase was echoing through my mind. How sad God must've been.

2006-08-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

The Old Testament verses are the prophecy; the New Testament verses proclaim the fulfillment. Check them all out for yourself!

Born of a virgin (Isaiah 7:14; Matthew 1:21-23)

A descendant of Abraham (Genesis 12:1-3; 22:18; Matthew 1:1; Galatians 3:16)

Of the tribe of Judah (Genesis 49:10; Luke 3:23, 33; Hebrews 7:14)

Of the house of David (2 Samuel 7:12-16; Matthew 1:1)

Born in Bethlehem (Micah 5:2, Matthew 2:1; Luke 2:4-7)

Taken to Egypt (Hosea 11:1; Matthew 2:14-15)

Herod´s killing of the infants (Jeremiah 31:15; Matthew 2:16-18)

Anointed by the Holy Spirit (Isaiah 11:2; Matthew 3:16-17)

Heralded by the messenger of the Lord (John the Baptist) (Isaiah 40:3-5; Malachi 3:1; Matthew 3:1-3)

Would perform miracles (Isaiah 35:5-6; Matthew 9:35)

Would preach good news (Isaiah 61:1; Luke 4:14-21)

Would minister in Galilee (Isaiah 9:1; Matthew 4:12-16) Would cleanse the Temple (Malachi 3:1; Matthew 21:12-13)

Would first present Himself as King 173,880 days from the decree to rebuild Jerusalem (Daniel 9:25; Matthew 21:4-11)

Would enter Jerusalem as a king on a donkey (Zechariah 9:9; Matthew 21:4-9)

Would be rejected by Jews (Psalm 118:22; I Peter 2:7)

Die a humiliating death (Psalm 22; Isaiah 53) involving:
rejection (Isaiah 53:3; John 1:10-11; 7:5,48)
betrayal by a friend (Psalm 41:9; Luke 22:3-4; John 13:18)
sold for 30 pieces of silver (Zechariah 11:12; Matthew 26:14-15)
silence before His accusers (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 27:12-14)
being mocked (Psalm 22: 7-8; Matthew 27:31)
beaten (Isaiah 52:14; Matthew 27:26)
spit upon (Isaiah 50:6; Matthew 27:30)
piercing His hands and feet (Psalm 22:16; Matthew 27:31)
being crucified with thieves (Isaiah 53:12; Matthew 27:38)
praying for His persecutors (Isaiah 53:12; Luke 23:34)
piercing His side (Zechariah 12:10; John 19:34)
given gall and vinegar to drink (Psalm 69:21, Matthew 27:34, Luke 23:36)
no broken bones (Psalm 34:20; John 19:32-36)
buried in a rich man’s tomb (Isaiah 53:9; Matthew 27:57-60)
casting lots for His garments (Psalm 22:18; John 19:23-24)

Would rise from the dead!! (Psalm 16:10; Mark 16:6; Acts 2:31)

Ascend into Heaven (Psalm 68:18; Acts 1:9)

Would sit down at the right hand of God (Psalm 110:1; Hebrews 1:3)

That's down right amazing! Jesus Fulfilled all those prophecies. and those were just the handful of the specific ones. God's awesome.

2006-08-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

i love to walk. find a path and take it just to see where it goes. behold the beauty that God has blessed me with, let it enrapture my soul so i can give to Him pure and admirable praise.

It's 1:05 a.m. I have just finished a work of art. A huge soring mountain with two dead trees before it. I am proud of it. Well, i'm not sure why i'm writing at such a time nor why i decided to complete this drawing. but i just wanted to type. God's beauty entered my mind. i just want to praise Him for the beauty He's given me. So many things. My family. My friends. My pets. My world. yes. the trees. I llove trees. They're so powerful. You can climb them and burn them for heat. You can draw them and creat a massive beauty. there is nothing like a tree. it's God's magnificant creation. It sways it breaths. It reproduces. The pine tree has a most facinating way of reproducing. there are two kinds of cones. a male and female cone. the male cone creates a sperm that eventually drops, by sudden wind movement or a shiver in the tree and the sperm then falls and hopefully lands on a female cone. if it does it finds it 's way to the center of the cone where the egg is. it fertalizes the egg than the cone falls away from the tree and thus creates another tree. Thanks God for giving ,me that pice of Information!

2006-08-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

well. Here's my history.

I was born in California, Palm Springs. To my mom and i beleive her boyfriend Ken Thornton (i don't know if they ever got married). We lived in a makeshift bus...He was a drunk and a druggy, . My brother kc was 2 and chris was 3. The one and only time my biological dad hit my mom was the last and she left him. I know no one on his side of the family, and from what my mom has told me they are probably all dead and i wouldn't want to meet them anyways. Crazy people. So my mom moved back to where she had grown up, portland. She had a few friends then. Doc and Charla. (i don't know there last names.) they had two kids who i grew up with Richy and . well, Doc and Charla were friends with this guy named Terry Shrum. and they wanted my mom to meet him. so the four of them went out to dinner, and i'm pretty sure my mom took all three of us kids, because she never got a babysitter. Well, they liked each other alot, and from then on they called each other all the time and talked for hours. well, my Bio dad ended up dieing a few weeks later from Alchohol overdose, and my mom, with us, went to the funeral. My mom was sad, only because he was our father. She didn't miss him. When we got back from wherever the funeral was, Terry asked my mom to marry him. She, of course, said yes. and they got married within months. i don't remeber the marriage, i was three at the time. but i have seen the video and i was a plump little red head. I had this balloon that i was throwing down some stairs and i kept telling this woman (who i have no clue who it was) to "go get it"! yah, those were the dyas when women thought you "were cute and chubby" and would listen to your every word...
So after the marriage, we had a great family. we lived in some apartments for a while. next to Doc and Charla, then decided to ove. My new dad and old (:) Mom bought a Mobile Home in Estacada. We started going to church when i was about four, we went to Clackamas Bible Church, which was where my Mom's mom went. i liked that church. The kids never talked to me though. when i was around 6, i was flipping through a hymnal, counting the number of pages in it. (i did that alot...) my mom had prayed with me when i was five, a few minutes before i got on the bus to school, and i had "asked jesus into my heart". but as i sat in the bus, i vividly remember wondering "What on earth did i just do!?" who was this Jesus guy and what was it my mom had said...? Oh well!!!
so sitting in church, a year later, i was thinking about Jesus. and my pastor was just happening to be talking about how to beleive in Jesus and why we should and He had done. (i beleive it was an Easter service). All of a sudden, I could feel God sitting beside me and i knew it was real. He was speaking to me. It was intense. I was only six, but i knew God wanted me. so i prayed right there. without and leadership. no one really knew. it was just me and God. Together, forever. I was so excited. I loved God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. even though i couldn't possibly understand it. around the tiome of my true conversion, a missionary from africa came to our church to talk about his missions. I was so obsorbed in what he said. The pictures that he showed. I wanted to be there! I wanted to be apart of Gods deepest adventures. I prayed to God right there To let me go on a missiontrip. It wasn't specific! I just wanted to serve Him! I wanted to have an adventure. (and if you know me, and you know what i've done...well, let's just let that speak for itself!) well. My passion for Christ burned, and is still burning. The kids in my sundayschool class were the biggest distraction ever. I was hurt that none of them wanted to be my friend or wanted to talk to me. yah, i was quiet, but i felt that they should have tried a little harder. I built this wall around me, and wouldn't let them in. I am ashamed to say, there was a little hatred forming in me. i dreaded every moment i had to sit on sunday school. i dreaded stepping into the door, at the beginning, and watching them, fakely say "Hi Carina" and then go back to there talking and joking...it hurt deeply. anyways. by the time i was 13 i had no friends but was firmly established in Gods word. i liked our church, but my parents decided to swich to somewhere closer. i really missed my Grandma. but we tried different churches. we went to Estacada First Baptist but my mom thought the music was to wild and loud. we tried the Christian church but my mom thought it was to charimatic we found Dover Community. a small church with like 5 kids my age and the rest were way youngue or WAY old! only about 40 people in all. I liked that church. i liked the worship. there was a rundown piano, that was sometimes used, but usually we went without. The kids here were the same as CBC. They had already formed there own little click and weren't about to let me in. we went to the church for a few years, and ended up just not going to church at all. until i was about 18 did me and my mom want to go to church. we decided to got o Estacad First Baptist again. I had met joy, and knew she was going there. so was kin butler. so, i knew some people. so we went. i HATED. walking into sunday school. i dreaded stepping in and being the center of attention. masami was nice, but i was very intimidated by him. and knew no one but joy and kin and jon butler. it was scary. so i only went a few times. the rest of the time i just went with my mom. well, it came about that joy was leaving for india around the time we started going every sunday. i was dissapointed that i couldn't go. i really wanted to. she got back, and told me all about it, but aside from sundays we never really saw eachother. my other friends were either being dumb or had moved away a long time ago. so...the biggest time of my life, was the next year when i went to india myself. joy was there, as was jason and masami and brent. Masami and Brent were the two people i was most afraid of. I can't explaine it. it was pure terror. i was also really intimidated by jake cox. the moment it clicked that they were both on my side and were my friends was this moment...we were walking through the bazaar and masami sidles up to me and says..."if i grabbed a Rickshaw would you ride in it?" it was the weirdest question ever, but i really wanted to ride in one so i said"sure...". like 20 minutes later, i had completely forgotten the whole scene, and all of a sudden masami is sitting in a rickshaw and yelling at me to jump in. i was so confused!!! i didn't know what was happening!!! so i leap into it before i knew what i was doing (cornering yself so that i had to be talked to by HIM...) And we were off. we rode for about 15 minutes then stopped to wait for the others. we sat there. watching a thin little boy pick up trash. we watched this fat little boy on this prancing horse led by a guy. he was weird and annoying, flipping a little witch and hitting the horse to make it go faster, which it didn't. all the while we just sat there. masami told me how much he missed his family and asked me if i missed mine. i said yah. it was nice and relaxing. we just talked like friends. i put my guard down and realized, he was my friend. the rest of the week was GREAT! well...that was the most socially agonizing growth period for me. then there was Basketteball in college the next year. and all that stuff. it would take forever to begin to keep writing. so i will stop for now. it feels good to speak about all that. i know you stopped reading at Clackamas Bible Church. but that's ok. :)

pardon the mispellation elaine.

goodbye.

2006-08-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.
Hebrews 10:25 NLT

I was just thinking about the meetings we had in India. Sitting on the balcony or in a bedroom, or even in the hotel rooms in Dharmasala (where secrecy was Inforced by Masami :) how important they were. I would have pruned up and died from Hunger and Thirst for God's word. I would have been so distracted by the sounds and tastes and smells and feelings, there would have been no room for God, and i would have forgotten to pray and focus. But it was because of those meetings that i was able to grow far more spiritually than if i had been thrown to the wolves all alone.

Thanks Brent and Masami. (even though i HATED [with a passion] singing! let me count how many good singers there were compared to me. Brent, Jason, Joy, Jake and Jake, Lisa and Vivian! yah! WHAT NOW!!!!:) WELL. I was really glad to hear them sing. it was like water to my soul! but when they insisted that i sing...well...that was maddening. i'm the kindof person who gets more out of hearing the verses than singing them. and can you imagine me trying to explaine that to the two BOSSES? nope...

anyways. ahaha nice lead away from my true discussion. thanks for listening.

2006-08-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

I took this survey once and it asked, "what's on your mouse pad?" and i couldn't answer because i didn't have one. but now i do, and i wanted to tell everyone. my mousepad has a sweet wrinkly dog asleep on a beach chair, and in a thought bubble above his head it says..."do not disturb, Genius at work."

so that's what it says.

it's now 11:26 p.m. and i'm exauhsted because i went on this grueling bike ride with Lanlle. i Honestly felt like quitting. but isn't it funny how God has desined the mind to push you to the limit. my body screamed to stop and rest, for only a moment, but my mind kept saying...keep going, every second is closer to the goal. give it your all. so tell me what spiritual stuff i can get out of that? i don't want to tell you because i don't know, but i know God can teach us something from it...

now what is it?

hopefully you can tell me. but while your thinking i'm going to sleep on it.

2006-08-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/cwn/081106witness.aspx

read this. it's awesome.

2006-08-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

ok.naturally, when you read about the isrealites and the numerous times they displeased God and disgraced His Holy name, it makes you mad. (well, this is from my perspective...). I get really mad and Annoyed. Why would they forget God. Through so many really awesome guys like Gideon and The left-handed dude, God was glorified. Then there were the prophets. Nathan Elijah Eleisha....you name them, they glorified God with awesome and Mind-boggling miricles. yet everytime, after one generation of God-fearing people died off, it was replaced by the next generation of God-disgracing people, and the circle continued. You'd think, somewhere along the line someone would look throughout history and see a pattern! you would think they ALL would!

well. i know most of you are flabbergasted by these chain of events. it makes me NOT want to read the old testement, if it weren't for all the ACTION packed events in it.

well. do you think we have a similar pattern. almost like a pattern of sin? our faith i God is so strong...than once it dies away, sin takes over again...

i know God is using the old testement to show us things. but i'm not sure what...
maybe you people can clear up my mind and make it make sense. AT leaste TRY!!!! :)

ok. I've laid down my thoughts and idea's and my confused thinking. what do you have to say about it?

2006-08-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

I forgot how excited I get when i look at my Artwork! I feel like screaming "YESS!!! I accomplished something!!!" I give total thanks to God and my Drawing teacher, Dave something! He was pretty awesome. Granted he did make cry like THREE times! (in the privacy of outside where no one would even notice me and where i could aks God why he gave me such a jerk of a teacher) But he did push me to my limits, almost to insanity, but I loved every moment when he would come over and critique my work. He'd just stand there, and all my work would stop and i'd stare at him. Wondering what He would say...normally he would say "It looks great keep going!" which was not what i wanted to hear! i wanted him to give me feedback, i wanted him to tell me what to do next. But now that I think about it, it just gave me a feeling of "smartness?" encouragement and a drive to keep doing what i was doing but even better! other times he would tell me what he "thought" i should do, but it was up to me. (again not really helping me!). well, he was a good teacher. I hope i can take another class with him. Is crazy fascination with "O brother Where ART THOU" SOUNDTRACK. yah, it was good. Another thing that i enjoyed were the people. There were about four or five other artists who were above me in knowledge...(i hate saying this...) and the rest were obviously below me in knowledge. Those above me a really looked up to. I was fascinated with there knowledge of drawing and it made me want to get to where they were. Especially this guy, Rocky was his name. He was amazing. I always listened to there critiques, and watched there style and way of drawing. it was a good experience. Even those who were drawing for the first time, I listened to there critiques. I leraned so much from those many classes in the Early morning. I can'e help but thank God for the opportunities He's given me.

anyways. have a good day.

2006-08-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

p.s To my last post! Kc comes home to Texas this Friday!!!!!!!!!!! :)

2006-08-09T00:48:00.000-07:00

ok. so i now have a scanner for my computer and i went bollistic with it tonight and decided to scan a ton of my drawn artwork.

some of them are "primitive" (i like that word) others somewhat recent. :) but it was fun scanning them and stuff.

so here they are. well three of them. i also went crazy again and put all of one of my art pads onto this art site i found. here's the link...

http://www.artwire.com/modules/profile/userinfo.php?uid=861

just in case. keep in mind, the first three of my artworks on this site were before i had a scanner and i had to use really bad art...ahhhck....nevermind. i won't explaine it.

hahha, well. i'm tired now. Goodnight.

2006-08-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

well, i found some really fascinating sites on free-masonry and spiritual warfare and subjects of that nature. they're really good and i'd sugjest listening to and reading some of it.

http://www.ericbarger.com/

http://www.exmormon.com/audiolibrary.html

2006-08-07T00:30:00.000-07:00

Holy Cow.

I think my old decrepid mouse just had a sezuir!

2006-08-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

Alright. I'm back and I'm ready for action.
camp is completed. With many Godly convictions on the teenage girl's parts! It was quite awesome to watch. Now alls i have to do is pray that they don't forget the presence of God and His power that He showed them throughout the past four weeks of girls that i've "lived" with.

so. what did i learn throughout this last week.

I am not as "coherent" (?) to God as i once thought.
the situation was this.
so there was this girl in my cabin who was going into jr.high. all the rest of the girls were going into highschool. (yes, they normally try to keep the same ages in the same cabins, but through many divine plans and whatnot...i ended up with her.) so i could tell she was nervous and probably unsure of how to act around these older girls, so she automatically reverted to "annoying little sister" mode. Constantly not joins the discussions, acting like a baby and being annoying and rambunctious to all the other girls. at one point i felt the "need" to take her on a walk. no words were coming to my mind, so instead of asking the Lords guidance, i blurted out that she was being rude. not in a mean way. i said it quietly and calmly. and then i said i understood she was the youngest and blah blah blah...

so. that was that. i told her i wasn't mad at her. and let go and play some random game she really wanted to play. so i never thought much about that situation, but i felt kindof "bad" or "disgusted" about how i went about it. well, it wasn't;'t like i strangled her, like i almost did kat and mo...but still felt weird.

so the last day of the weeks rolls in, and it was our last discussion. i was heading towards the cabin. thinking of questions and stuff. when my other co-counselor, comes to me and says she is going to talk to the girl before discussion. i knew her intentions were pure and God-led. and then it was as if God was telling me "hey, i honestly, gave you the one-on-one time that you needed, that one day...butyou slacked of and let it slide. but don't worry, Sarah's (my co-counselor) has take it up." well. that's what i learned. i'm not sure how to put into words. Listen to God harder than you think you are. i'm sure you can understand how pathetic i felt towards God.

But, those are the times where He teaches me the most.